examples of good opening statements essays

36 Engaging opening sentences for an essay

Last Updated on July 20, 2022 by Dr Sharon Baisil MD

An essay’s opening sentence has a tremendous impact on the reader. It doesn’t matter if you’re writing an argumentative essay, a personal narrative, or a research paper; how your text begins will affect its tone and topic. You can write about anything as long as it is relevant to your thesis—starting with an engaging opening sentence may be the difference between a successful and unsuccessful essay.

An introduction is the first section of any paper that allows you to introduce your thesis and provide an overview of your argument or discussion. A good introduction should grab your audience’s attention and entice them to read on, summarising what you’re trying to say concisely. It’s a good idea to think of your introduction as a hook, writing an opening sentence that will leave your reader wanting more.

Writing a thesis statement is the first thing you need to do when planning your paper. Although there are multiple strategies for creating a thesis statement, you must express yourself clearly and answer three simple questions: What is the main idea of my essay? Why is it important? How do I plan to prove it in a paper?

There are countless ways to begin an essay or a thesis effectively. As a start, here are 36 introductory strategies accompanied by examples from a wide range of professional writers.

1. “Is it possible to be truly anonymous online?”

This is an engaging opening sentence because it immediately poses a problem that the reader will likely want answered. It’s also interesting that this question applies directly to internet usage, something everybody has experience with. The subject of the opening sentence is “online anonymity,” which allows the writer to discuss two related concepts.

2. “I was shocked to awake one morning to find I had turned into a snail.”

The opening sentence immediately grabs the reader’s attention with its play on words, leaving them unsure if it’s meant as a joke. It continues to entertain by combining an unlikely image (a person turning into a snail) with waking up more common. The sentence also establishes the essay’s tone, which is humorous and personal.

3. “I didn’t want to study abroad.”

This opening sentence immediately intrigues the reader because it presents an opinion that contradicts what would be expected in this type of assignment. The writer then follows with a statement about their decision to study abroad, discussing the reasons for this choice and explaining their position on the matter.

4. “The three dogs had been barking for over an hour before my neighbor finally came out to investigate.”

This opening sentence introduces a narrative about something that happened in the past, starting with dogs barking at night. The next sentence provides background information by revealing that the neighbor came out after an hour and then reasons for this delay. The fact that the writer does not reveal why this is significant until later on makes the opening sentence even more effective because it keeps the reader engaged with what will happen next.

5. “I have always been interested in fashion.”

This opening sentence immediately sets the topic for the entire paper by discussing interest in fashion. It also establishes the tone, clearly portraying the writer’s voice while informing the audience about their personal experience with the subject matter.

6. “I remember when I first realized I didn’t have a home.”

This opening sentence begins a personal narrative about a time before moving out of their family home when the writer realized they didn’t live there anymore. It uses flashbacks to set up the rest of the essay by showing what happened before they moved out and how this made them feel.

7. “When I was in middle school, my dad told me not to get into fights.”

This opening sentence establishes a relationship between the writer and the subject of their essay, creating a more personal tone. It also establishes an expectation for what will be discussed by telling something that happened in the past. The sentence ends with a twist, so it’s more interesting than just stating something that was told to them, making this opening sentence effective.

8. “When I first sat down to write this essay, I was absolutely certain of the thesis.”

This opening sentence immediately introduces conflict because it tells about something that didn’t occur as expected. It also implies that there will be an alternate solution or angle for this paper that will be explored in the following paragraphs. The vocabulary (like “absolutely”) suggests more certainty in this opening paragraph than presented, making it interesting to read.

9. “I remember the first time I killed a man.”

This opening sentence offers an unexpected statement that intrigues the reader and immediately draws them into the essay, wanting to know more about what happened. This type of sentence is called a gripping opener because it does just that. The sentence is also effective because it creates suspense and anticipation in the reader’s mind about what will happen next in this story .

10. “There are two sides to every story: my side and your side.”

This opening sentence introduces a topic that will be revisited multiple times throughout the essay, making it effective for an introduction. It also creates a sense of mystery about the two sides and how they relate to each other, which will be resolved later on once it becomes clear that there are three sides.

11. “I should start this essay by introducing myself.”

This opening sentence includes an explanation for why this paragraph is being written (to introduce oneself) before it ends with a question (“who am I?”). This is effective because it gets the reader to think critically about who the writer is and what they want to say. It also permits them to stop reading after this sentence if they don’t feel like it, making it one of the less intimidating opening sentences.

12. “At the age of seven, I knew my life was going to be amazing.”

This opening sentence establishes a confident, optimistic tone by mentioning something that happened in the past. It also implies that the writer had this positive outlook before anything particularly special happened to them yet, which will likely be mentioned later on, making it more interesting to read.

13. “I don’t know when I lost my sense of excitement for learning.”

This opening sentence presents a conflict that the writer will likely try to resolve in this essay, which gives the reader something to look forward to. It also establishes voice by expressing how they feel about their education so far and suggesting what could be done about it.

14. “Coming home after a long day of school and work is like walking into a warzone.”

This opening sentence creates a sense of conflict that will likely be discussed later on and establishes voice because it shows the writer’s attitude towards their environment. It provides an example of why this subject has been brought up by describing what happens during this “warzone” of a day.

15. “I’ve always loved school.”

This opening sentence is effective because it provides an example of how their life used to be before the issue was introduced (in the next few sentences), making it more interesting to read. It also creates a sense of nostalgia about how good things used to be, making it more engaging.

16. “I feel like I’m losing my mind.”

This opening sentence is effective because it creates a voice by describing the writer’s experience and establishes conflict, so the reader knows what to expect in this essay. It provokes an emotional response in the reader, making them more interested.

17. “On day two of our honeymoon, my wife passed out.”

This opening sentence creates suspense by mentioning what happens before revealing why this is significant. It also establishes conflict because it implies that the writer’s wife’s health will be an issue throughout the essay. This leads to a likely discussion about whether or not they should continue their honeymoon, making it engaging for the reader.

18. “I’m a college student, and I hate it.”

This opening sentence establishes conflict for the rest of the essay because it implies that something negatively affects their education. It also establishes voice by showing what they think about being a student and how they feel about college so far, which makes it more interesting to read.

19. “The first time I heard the word ‘stan’ was when Eminem released his song in 2000 by the same name.”

This opening sentence establishes conflict for what will likely be discussed later on and also creates a sense of nostalgia because it takes the reader back to a significant point in recent history that they might remember (rare for essays). It also establishes voice because it shows the writer’s knowledge about rap music.

20. “I used to hate when people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up because I never knew how to answer them.”

This opening sentence helps the reader understand why this essay was written to tie into their own experiences. It also establishes conflict by revealing something that the writer used to be troubled by. It also makes them seem relatable because everyone has problems with their future at one point or another.

21. “All my life, I’ve been told I was destined for greatness.”

This opening sentence establishes that the writer had difficulties in their life despite being seen as destined for greatness so far. It also creates a sense of conflict because it implies that they will have to convince the reader otherwise, making it more interesting to read.

22. “My friend once told me that I should never say ‘I’m just being honest when discussing our differences, but I always do.”

This opening sentence creates conflict by showing the reader that there is always tension between the writer and their friend because of this issue. It also establishes voice because it shows how honest they are about their differences, which makes them more relatable. This makes it engaging for the reader to read on.

23. “I’ve never been one to keep my emotions bottled up, and now that I’m pregnant, that’s been amplified.”

This opening sentence establishes emotion from the writer because it shows that they are uncomfortable keeping their emotions to themselves and continue to do so even when they become pregnant. It also creates a sense of conflict because the reader will probably wonder how this lack of emotional inhibition might affect them later on.

24. “The first time I read ‘To Kill a Mockingbird,’ it changed my life.”

This opening sentence grabs the reader’s attention and shows what impact this book has had on the writer so far. It also establishes how passionate the writer is towards literature and makes them more relatable because many people have been affected by great works of literature in some way. This is engaging for the reader to read on.

25. “As I walked out of class one day, my professor asked me what I wanted to do with my future.”

This opening sentence establishes conflict by showing that there was a time when the writer did not have an answer to this question despite being capable of doing anything in their mind. It also establishes voice by showing that the writer can stand up for themselves when pushed and makes them seem more relatable because everyone struggles with thinking about their future at some point or another. This is engaging for the reader to continue reading.

26. “I’ve always been taught that it’s impolite to talk about money, but I want to share my experience with you.”

This opening sentence establishes voice by showing that the writer does not abide by this code of conduct because they believe it’s more important to be open and honest. It also creates a sense of conflict so that the reader might have their own contrasting opinions, which will create tension while reading. This is engaging for the reader to continue reading.

27. “Growing up, I never liked math, and it wasn’t until college that I realized why.”

This opening sentence establishes voice because it shows how passionate the writer was about their dislike of math despite not knowing why. It also creates conflict because they will have to explain their reasoning to the reader, which makes it more interesting to read, and it is engaging for the reader to read on.

28. “There are so many factors that go into determining how much someone should be paid, but I believe that everyone deserves equal pay.”

This opening sentence establishes conflict because the writer believes in something that not many people support, and they will have to explain their reasoning. It also establishes voice because it shows that the writer is passionate about this belief and makes them more relatable for other people who share the same opinion. This is engaging for the reader to read on.

29. “Many things have been said about Millennials, but no one has asked us what we think.”

This opening sentence creates a sense of conflict because the reader might be wondering what this person thinks as a Millennial. It also establishes voice by using “us” to show that they are not alone in their beliefs and makes them seem more relatable. This is engaging for the reader to read on.

30. “I finally found a job that I love, and as it turns out, it’s located in a city that has been my dream destination since I was little.”

This opening sentence establishes voice because it shows how the writer feels about their new job and makes them sound passionate about their work which makes the reader want to read on. This is engaging for the reader to continue.

31. “It was the summer of 2001 when I first came across an anime dubbed in French.”

This opening sentence establishes voice through personal experience and makes it relatable because many people have watched their favorite movies or shows in another language. It also creates a sense of conflict by making the reader wonder why they continued watching even though they didn’t understand much of what was being said. This is engaging for the reader to read on.

32. “For years, I thought my life was perfect, until one day when I realized that there’s nothing more important than your mental health.”

This opening sentence establishes voice by showing that the writer used to have this belief but then had a heart change, making them more relatable because everyone’s beliefs change over time. It also creates a sense of conflict by questioning what the reader believes about their mental health, which will make them want to continue reading. This is engaging for the reader to read on.

33. “As children, it’s easy to dream about becoming an astronaut or a firefighter, but I never imagined that my greatest passion would be writing.”

This opening sentence establishes voice by showing how the writer is passionate about what they are currently doing. It also creates a sense of conflict because the reader may have different interests, making it more interesting to read. This is engaging for the reader to continue reading on.

34. “If you would’ve asked me a few months ago, I wouldn’t have said that my life was perfect. However, after some time and perspective, I’m grateful for the twists and turns.”

This opening sentence establishes voice by showing how this person’s perspective has changed over time. It also creates a sense of conflict because it questions what the reader thinks and makes them want to read on. This is engaging for the reader to read on.

35. “Everyone has goals in life, whether it’s saving up enough money to buy a house or finally writing that book.”

This opening sentence establishes conflict because it questions the reader’s goals and shows how they may be different from the writer’s. It also creates a sense of connection because many people share the same goals and make them want to keep reading. This is engaging for the reader to read on.

36. “I’m not sure if I’ve ever told you this, but my favorite show as a child was A Little Princess.”

This opening sentence establishes voice by showing that the writer shares a secret and makes them sound like they’re talking directly to someone. It also creates a sense of conflict because it’s difficult to imagine that the reader doesn’t know this information and makes them want to read on. This is engaging for the reader to read on.

Final Words

To conclude, there are countless ways to begin an essay or a thesis effectively. These 36 opening sentences for an essay are just a few examples of how to do so. There is no “right way” to start, but it will become easier to find your voice and style as you continue writing and practicing. Good luck!

Harvard University

Purdue University

Royal Literary Fund- Essay Writing Guide

University of Melbourne

Amherst College

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9 Examples of Eye-Catching Introduction Paragraphs

Table of contents

Christian Rigg

How well are you managing to hook your readers?

According to CNN , The average attention on a screen went down from 2.5 minutes (in 2004) to 47 seconds (in 2023). Studies show that for most cases, people don't even read past the headline.

As a writer, one of the best skills you can learn is to hook your readers with a compelling introduction. A good title gets people in the door, but it’s the introduction that decides if they stay or not. 

The difference between a strong and a weak intro

A strong intro draws the reader in and evokes a sense of curiosity or interest, either by speaking to the reader’s pain points or by engaging them on an intellectual or emotional level.

A weak introduction paragraph, on the other hand, does the exact opposite. It fails to delight or intrigue, usually by being too generic. (This is one reason why introductions generated using text transformers like ChatGPT tend to “fall flat.”) Incidentally, failing to keep your readers on-page will result in higher bounce rates, which Google penalizes. 

Have I convinced you to stick around? If so, great. In the rest of the article, we’ll go over the most important dos and don’ts of intros and look at some outstanding introduction paragraph examples for inspiration. 

The Dos and Don’ts of Strong Introductions

Here are some quick and simple tips for writing a compelling introduction .

✅ Do be human and relatable

Talk about a personal experience. Mention emotions like frustration or excitement. Utilize Use plain, conversational language.

✅ Do capture the reader's attention with an interesting or meaningful quote or statistic.

Just be sure to avoid clichés, keep it relevant to your topic, and don’t get too abstract.

✅ Do write concisely and clearly .

If you struggle with this like many people, try writing your introduction in the Wordtune editor. The suggestions on flow and clarity will help you stick to the point without being hard to understand.

✅ Do disarm, startle, or otherwise “shock” the reader into alertness.

This doesn’t mean being crass or crude, it means upending assumptions. What surprised you most when researching or writing your article? Start there.

✅ Do use descriptive , emotive, and sensory language, including vivid imagery and great storytelling .

Start in the middle of the story, then segue into how it all started. Or start at the end and work your way back.

✅ Do use humor and casual language.

It helps put the reader at ease and makes them feel like part of the conversation.

And here are some things to avoid, including some not-so-great introductory paragraph examples. Don’t worry, we’ll get to examples of how to do it right in the next section. 

❌ Don’t rely on AI text generators like ChatGPT.

These tools “write” by adding the next most likely word, based on thousands of examples. As a result, the text lacks originality. It is, by definition, the most average way of saying something. If you want to make your content stand out from AI-generated content , start with an original introduction paragraph.

❌ Don’t give it all away.

Your introduction is not the place to plead your whole case. Introduce the reader to the topic, generate interest or empathy, and make a promise they want to see fulfilled.

❌ Don’t make it too long.

Readers get bored fast. They want to get to the good stuff.

❌ Don’t use gimmicks, clickbait, clichés, or obvious ploys.

“You won’t believe what…” “Here’s everything you need to know about…” “Are you ready to make your first million?” Unless the news really is shocking, you really do include everything the reader needs to know, or you have offer a long-term, validated strategy for earning a million, you’ll just come off looking like a hack.

❌ Don’t use generic statements.

“All businesses need to track their financial performance.” “Running a marathon is no easy task.” “It takes hard work to become the best.” Openers like these waste precious seconds on stating the obvious. If you’re lucky, your reader will be kind and keep scanning for something worthwhile. But they probably already hit the Back button.

9 strong introduction paragraph examples

1. the statistical introduction example.

According to a report by Statista and eMarketer, online retail sales are projected to reach $6.51 trillion by 2023. That same report also says that ecommerce websites will claim around 22.3% of all retail sales. So, if you weren’t planning on investing in your ecommerce strategy this year, you should.

The SEO experts at Semrush have included two interesting and impressive statistics here, sure to pique the reader’s interest. They make a bold statement, too: if you thought you could wait, you can’t . 

To help you replicate this kind of introduction, try using Wordtune’s Spices features to find and add interesting statistics and facts. 

2. The relatable introduction example

We’ve all seen that little white label that sits tucked away on the inside of our clothing: “Made in Australia”, “Made in Turkey”, “Made in Bangladesh”. But what do those labels really mean? In this article, we discuss whether locally made clothing is more ethical. Read on to find out before your next shop.

Nothing if not concise, this introduction catches the reader with a common human experience, asks an important question, and gives a quick bridge on what the article has to offer. It’s short and direct, and it speaks to readers who may well have just been looking at a “little white label” before popping the question into Google. 

3. The dialogue introduction example

After a moonwalk in April 1972, the Apollo 16 astronauts Charles Duke and John Young returned to their capsule. In the process of putting their suits and other things away, Duke commented to Ground Control:

Duke: Houston, the lunar dust smells like gunpowder. [Pause]

England: We copy that, Charlie.

Duke: Really, really a strong odor to it.

First of all, how’s that for a title?

This introduction tells a fascinating story in just 57 words. Admittedly, the unique topic of cosmic moon dust makes it easier to capture readers’ interest. But the author’s choice to include this short exchange between Charles Duke and the Houston Space Center also pulls us right into the scene.

4. The personal story introduction example

Wordtune blog: Take Smart Notes From a Textbook (Using AI + Templates)

Call me crazy, but I’ve spent $11,750 on note-taking tools.

Physical stationery in the form of highlighters, post-its, colored pens, subject notebooks, roller scales—you name it. My beautifully-written, detailed, color-coded notes gave me the feeling of being a productive high-achiever.

But these notes rarely translated into results. I was consistently in the average tier of students, despite my organized study practices—till year two of highschool. It was then that I realized all I was doing was beautifying text and not understanding information.

From then on, I set out on a journey to understand which notetaking methods worked for my subjects. I translated this into a 9.2/10 CGPA in my 10th-grade examination and a 1900 score on my SATs. In addition, I was able to achieve these results while reducing my study time by half.

Today, I’m going to show you how to do the same with my step-by-step playbook. This article covers advanced tips for students wanting to upgrade their note-taking skills.

This introduction has a great hook that draws us in immediately: Hold on. $11,000 dollars on pens and post-its?? Then it tells an emotionally engaging story of failure to success. Finally, it clearly prepares us for what’s to come. All these are hallmarks of a strong introduction. 

5. The common problem introduction example

Eleven Writing blog: 7 Reasons Your Business Should Invest In High-quality Blog Articles

Many businesses publish a new blog article, they wait, and then…

Nothing happens.

The anticipated flood of new traffic never materializes. The few visitors that arrive don’t click any links, sign up to your list, or share your article.

The marketing department starts to wonder if a blog is really worth the money and hassle compared to other available channels.

But what if better blog content could change all this?

This introduction was written by one of the SEO experts at Eleven Writing, the writing agency where I work as a writer, editor, and account manager. It features a short and punchy story with a relatable twist. “And then… Nothing happens.” Translation: 🤦

It finishes with an intriguing “What if?” scenario, which leads into an article of tips and practical takeaways. And it’s a reminder of another important point: make sure your article actually fulfills any promises you make in your introduction.

6. The alarming introduction example

European Commission: Consequences of climate change

Climate change affects all regions around the world. Polar ice shields are melting and the sea is rising. In some regions, extreme weather events and rainfall are becoming more common while others are experiencing more extreme heat waves and droughts. We need climate action now, or these impacts will only intensify.

Climate change is a very serious threat, and its consequences impact many different aspects of our lives. Below, you can find a list of climate change’s main consequences.

The above introduction comes from the European Commission and discusses the dangers of climate change. It starts with a bold and disarming statement: climate change affects everybody. 

It discusses just a few of the consequences of climate change, priming the reader for what’s to follow, and then provides a simple bridge into the rest of the article. 

It’s short and to the point, but uses descriptive, intense language to convey urgency and emotionally engage the reader.

7. The recap introduction example

Harvard Business Review: Rescuing ESG from the Culture Wars

In the past year, ESG investing has become caught up in America’s culture wars, as prominent GOP politicians claim that it is a mechanism investors are using to impose a “woke” ideology on companies. Former Vice President Mike Pence has railed against ESG in speeches and in an op-ed. A variety of Republican governors and red-state legislatures are considering executive action and legislation to boycott asset managers that use ESG as a screening tool for their investments. And in Washington, various Congressional committees have pledged to hold hearings in which the Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC) and major asset managers will face public questioning about the legality of ESG investing.

This introductory paragraph from the Harvard Business Review dumps the reader into the throes of a heated political debate.  Whether readers agree or disagree, powerful verbs like “railed against” and politically charged language like “culture wars” and “woke” are sure to grab the attention of those on both sides of the political spectrum. 

8. The common problem intro example #2

KonMari blog: 5 Rituals to Build Self-Acceptance

Self-criticism is an all too common struggle. Even the most successful people in the world experience bouts of imposter syndrome and low self-esteem. But the person you’ll spend the most time with in your life is yourself. We owe it to ourselves to strengthen our self-compassion and embrace self-love.

One of the simplest ways to build self-acceptance is to make it a part of your self-care routine. The following rituals, sourced from mindfulness experts and one of our Master KonMari Consultants, can be completed in as little as five minutes daily. Try one for a month — you’ll be surprised how much better you treat yourself.

This intro comes from the queen of tidiness, Marie Kondo, and manages to both connect with the reader and gracefully plug an advertisement for KonMari’s consulting services. There’s a common idea in SEO that “linking away” in the introduction is bad practice, but in this case, it transforms an educational article into a commercial funnel. 

There’s another neat trick in this intro: it extends a challenge to the reader. Try one of the methods below and see how much better you feel after a month. With a promise like that, who wouldn’t keep scrolling?

9. The 'new angle' introduction example

Crippled CEO Blog: Resistance and Leadership Capital

So much has been written on how important it is to have the right people in your company. All a business is, really, is a collection of people. That’s it. So, it follows that getting the people right is practically the only thing that truly matters.

And while I have seen this repeated ad nauseam, I don’t see a lot of people saying what those right (or wrong) people look like – what attributes they possess.

So, I wanted to talk about one of those attributes, and in particular one that I think isn’t just overlooked, but the very concept itself isn’t known, making it impossible to look out for at all.

This attribute is resistance.

Eric Lupton blogs about his experiences and perspective as a business leader with cerebral palsy. This introduction uses incisive language that will no doubt appeal to business readers and high-powered execs. 

But it also comes from a very personal perspective, like much of Lupton’s writing, and so we feel like we’re about to sit down and speak one-on-one with someone who very clearly knows what they’re talking about. 

It has a conversational tone (“So, I wanted to talk about…”) and promises to reveal to us something that “isn’t just overlooked, but the very concept itself is unknown.” Intrigued? I was. 

Start writing!

A strong introduction paragraph bridges the gap between an intriguing title and an article’s real value. It pulls the reader in with boldness, intrigue, storytelling, or relatability.

It’s an art that takes practice, but these introduction paragraph examples show it can be done right. There are also some great tools out there to help you out. Wordtune can offer ideas for analogies, examples, statistics, facts, and relevant quotes — all great sources of inspiration for a strong introduction paragraph. 

After that, it’s your turn. Add personality, connect with your readers, and write more introductions, and you’ll be on your way to keeping your audience on the page.  

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WTO / Legal / How to Write an Opening Statement (18 Best Examples)

How to Write an Opening Statement (18 Best Examples)

In a courtroom setting, an attorney usually makes an opening statement that outlines the facts about the case to the presiding judge and jurors. It is also known by alternative terms, for example, debate or mini-essay. The plaintiff, defendant, or their representative can present it. The plaintiff (the party who files the case and bears the burden of proof) presents the statement first, followed by the defense team. It sets the stage for the trial and helps the attorneys frame their arguments and evidence coherently and compellingly. It should serve as a roadmap for the trial or fact-finding proceeding.

The state of Illinois indicted Mr. Karl Carter for fraud. The defendant was awarded a tender to supply 1,000 hospital beds to Illinois General Hospital by October 31, 2022. The conditions were that three-quarters of payments amounting to $100,000 were to be paid before delivery and the remaining balance after completion of the project. As per the agreed-upon conditions, a substantial portion of the payment, totaling $100,000, was to be made before the delivery of the beds, with the remaining balance to be paid upon project completion. The initial payment was duly made, fulfilling our obligations. However, it has come to light that the defendant has failed to fulfill his end of the agreement. Only 400 beds were supplied, citing increased production and transportation costs. To compound matters, the defendant has audaciously demanded additional payment , contrary to the initial agreement. Such a demand is not only unjust but also a violation of the principles upon which this contract was formed. I am Harvey Buck, representing the Illinois healthcare procurement committee. I request that the court intervene and hold the defendant responsible for civil charges against them.

This article discusses an opening statement, its importance, and the basic information that should be included before a lawyer presents it in court. It also deliberates on tips for developing a compelling one and provides examples for that. 

Why is It Important in a Trial?

It holds great significance in legal proceedings, as it serves as the introduction to a case. Its primary purpose is to provide an overview of the case to the judge or jury, outlining the main arguments and evidence that will be presented. So, it is an integral component of any trial. 

Below are reasons why it is important in legal proceedings:

Establish the context for the trial

The opening statement introduces the parties to the legal proceeding, including the plaintiff, the defendant, and their representatives. It also introduces the nature and type of the case—civil or criminal. It is also an opportunity to create a positive impression on the jurors. 

Frames the issues

A well-crafted mini-essay should offer context to each party’s claims. This involves stating the issues at hand and providing an overview of factual evidence, background context, legal theories or arguments, and key details that will be presented to prove why their case is justified. 

Establishes credibility

The introductory statement is meant to demonstrate the attorney’s credibility by showing that they understand the legal reasoning behind their case and can present a strong argument. It should reflect the qualifications and competencies of the attorney outlined in their resume . Also, it is meant to gain the jurors’ trust and confidence if it can clearly demonstrate the argument from the client’s perspective. 

Provides a roadmap for the trial 

Lawyers use it to communicate the evidence that will be used and the format in which it will be presented. It can name the witnesses that will be called to the stand and any supporting documents that will be referenced. This may include extensive research and interviews to identify credible witnesses and facts about the case. Once the fact-finders understand the framework to follow, they can collect information throughout the proceeding and make the best decisions for each case. 

Increases persuasion

The debate should be adequately engaging to try and shape the jurors’ views and shift their stance to the best-case scenario for the client. An engaging statement has the following properties: clear, factual, narrative, and non-argumentative. The effectiveness of persuasion can significantly impact the overall trajectory of the case and contribute to a successful outcome for the client.

Lawyers may incorporate visual aids such as slides or images in it. According to research, visual aids increase jurors’ engagement and comprehension. Visual aids are efficient tools for persuading the jury and demonstrating how events occurred. However, the visual elements must be relevant to the case, simple, and easy to understand.

Free Templates

Opening Statement Vs. Closing Statement 

An opening sentence offers the attorney an opportunity to mention the theme of the dispute and which evidence and testimonies will be presented in support of the client’s argument. It aims to make it easier for the judge or jury to comprehend the relevance of any evidence presented to the overall dispute. 

Contrary to this, a closing statement allows counsel to present arguments on the merits of any evidence presented by both parties. It is given at the end of the trial to create a lasting impression. It may include hypothetical analogies, references to laws, key evidence, and comments on the witnesses’ credibility . Also, it can state the judgment that the counsel believes the court should make based on the evidence presented. Lastly, it can make a final appeal to the jury to favor the person being represented (the plaintiff or defendant).

Below are examples in different cases:

Criminal trial

Opening sentence example.

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, today we embark on a quest for truth and justice. The prosecution will present evidence that will demonstrate beyond a reasonable doubt that the defendant, Mr. John Roberts, committed the heinous crime he stands accused of. Through eyewitness testimonies, forensic analysis, and compelling evidence, we will reveal the sequence of events that led to the victim’s tragic death and the defendant’s direct involvement. You will hear from witnesses who saw the defendant at the scene of the crime, and experts who will shed light on the compelling physical evidence linking him to the murder. We ask you to keep an open mind and carefully evaluate the evidence presented, as we seek a verdict that reflects the truth and ensures justice for the victim and their grieving family.

Closing argument example

Members of the jury, you have heard the evidence, testimonies, and arguments presented throughout this trial. The facts have painted a clear and undeniable picture: the defendant, Mr. John Roberts, is guilty of the crime charged. The witnesses have bravely come forward and shared their accounts, their memories etched with the harrowing events they witnessed. The physical evidence, meticulously analyzed by experts, has left no room for doubt. The puzzle pieces fit together, revealing a chilling narrative of the defendant’s actions. It is now your solemn duty to deliver a verdict that upholds justice, that holds the defendant accountable for his choices and provides solace to the victim’s family. We urge you to render a verdict of guilty, for it is the only just outcome in light of the overwhelming evidence and the pursuit of truth.

Estate dispute case

Opening statement example.

Your Honor, esteemed members of the court, we are here today to address a grave injustice concerning the denial of our client’s rightful claim to the estate left behind by her late husband. Our client, as the surviving spouse, should rightfully inherit the assets amassed by her husband during his lifetime. We will present compelling evidence, including a legally binding will that unequivocally designates our client as the sole beneficiary. Our aim is to seek justice, honor the wishes of the deceased, and ensure that our client receives the inheritance she is entitled to.

Closing sentence example

Your Honor, members of the court, we have reached a critical point in this trial where the fate of our client’s rightful claim to the estate hangs in the balance. We have presented clear and compelling evidence, including a legally binding will that unambiguously designates our client as the sole beneficiary. We must honor the intentions of the deceased and provide our client with the financial security and peace of mind she deserves. We implore you to carefully consider the evidence presented and render a just decision that upholds our client’s rightful claim to the estate.

Civil plaintiff trial

Your Honor, esteemed members of the jury, today we bring before you a case that revolves around the fundamental principles of justice and accountability. Our client, [Plaintiff’s Name], has suffered significant harm and injustice at the hands of the defendant, [Defendant’s Name]. Through compelling evidence and expert testimonies, we will demonstrate that the defendant’s negligent actions have caused direct harm to our client, resulting in physical, emotional, and financial damages. We seek not only compensation for our client’s losses but also to ensure that the defendant is held accountable for their actions. We ask you to carefully consider the evidence presented and deliver a verdict that upholds the principles of justice and provides our clients with the restitution they deserve.

Your Honor, members of the jury, as we approach the conclusion of this trial, we urge you to reflect on the evidence presented and the significant harm our client has endured due to the defendant’s actions. Our client’s life has been irrevocably changed, and it is essential that justice is served. The evidence overwhelmingly supports our claim that the defendant’s negligence directly caused harm to our client, resulting in physical, emotional, and financial hardships. We implore you to stand on the side of justice, hold the defendant accountable for their actions, and award our client the compensation they deserve. By doing so, you will send a powerful message that negligent behavior will not go unchecked and the rights of innocent individuals will be protected under the law.

Child custody case

Your Honor, esteemed members of the court, today we come before you to address the critical issue of child custody in this case. Our client, [Client’s Name], firmly believes that the best interests of the child lie in their care. Through compelling evidence and testimonies, we will demonstrate that our client possesses the qualities, resources, and nurturing environment necessary to provide a stable and loving home for the child. We will present evidence that highlights the positive impact our client has had on the child’s well-being and development. It is our utmost priority to ensure the child’s safety, happiness, and overall welfare. We ask this honorable court to carefully consider the evidence and make a custody decision that serves the best interests of the child.

Your Honor, members of the court, as we conclude this child custody case, we ask you to reflect upon the evidence presented and the well-being of the child at the center of this matter. Our client has consistently demonstrated their love, devotion, and commitment to providing a stable and nurturing environment for the child. The evidence overwhelmingly supports the notion that our client is the best fit to assume primary custody and make decisions in the child’s best interests. It is crucial to consider the child’s emotional and developmental needs and ensure their continued well-being. We trust in this court’s ability to discern the truth and make a custody decision that safeguards the child’s future and promotes their happiness and growth. We urge you to grant our client the custody rights they rightfully deserve.

Anatomy of an Opening Statement: The Basic Information

An excellent initial sentence states what the attorney intends to prove, the framework to use, and events or facts supporting the client’s argument. It should be structured rationally to make it easy for the jurors to understand how the trial will be conducted. This means each mini-essay will vary from situation to situation.

However, each one has the following components: 

Introduction 

An appropriate introduction introduces the counsel, their client, the case theory, and the objectives of the trial. This segment is meant to build rapport with the jurors and inform them briefly about the case.   

The attorney captures the audience’s attention by providing a compelling or intriguing statement related to the case. This can be a fact, a question, or a story that piques interest.

Explanation of the case 

The introduction should also discuss the details of the dispute. The client’s perspective on the case should clearly and comprehensively emerge in this segment. By providing a clear and concise summary of the factual background, the attorney aims to ensure that the judge or jury has a solid understanding of the case from the outset. This overview acts as a foundation upon which the attorney will build their arguments and present supporting evidence to support their client’s position.

Explanation of how the evidence supports the client’s case 

The attorney not only provides an overview of the case but also previews the evidence that will be presented to support their arguments. This may include witness testimonies, documents, expert opinions, or any other relevant evidence. By highlighting the evidence, the attorney aims to give the judge or jury a glimpse into the strength and credibility of their case. This helps to set expectations for the evidence that will be presented throughout the trial and allows the attorney to establish a persuasive narrative that supports the client’s position.

Witness identification 

If witness statements are to be presented in court, it should indicate the number of witnesses and their profession. They may mention the key points they expect these witnesses to testify about, providing a glimpse into the evidence that will be presented. By highlighting the witnesses and their anticipated testimony, the attorney aims to establish credibility and build anticipation for the upcoming testimonies.

Conclusion 

In the conclusion, the attorney summarizes the main points presented, reiterates the central theme of their case, and delivers a persuasive statement that sets the tone for the remainder of the trial. This concluding part aims to leave a lasting impression on the judge or jury by reinforcing the key arguments and emphasizing the strength of the attorney’s position.

By restating the central theme and making a compelling statement, the attorney seeks to create a sense of conviction and persuade the fact-finder to view the case from their perspective. The conclusion plays a crucial role in shaping the overall narrative and guiding the perception of the case moving forward.

Tips for Developing It Effectively

As illustrated earlier, a well-written mini-essay has a substantial impact on persuading a judge or jury. Below are tips on how to write an effective opening statement for your case:

• Prepare the debate to reflect the theme of the case so that it can appeal to the different qualities or personalities of the jurors. Also, having a theme enables you to develop a consistent and compelling message and organize evidence rationally. A good theme should grasp the jury’s attention and be memorable. 
• The first sentence should be impactful. If you start strong, you will likely grab the jury’s attention and influence the rest of the trial. 
• Information should be organized in an orderly and rational manner. This makes it easy for the jurors to follow the argument.
• Use the initial statement to demonstrate your knowledge of facts, accuracy, sincerity, and confidence in the evidence. These qualities will establish your credibility and persuade the jury.
• Be confident and likable; the storytelling techniques can persuade the jurors to favor your client. Other techniques include expressions and gestures. Such techniques help create an emotional connection with the audience.
• It should not be aggressive. It is primarily meant to be informative and persuasive to guide the court on the dispute between the parties and what each party will present to prove their case. 

Opening statements will greatly vary depending on the party presenting them, its intended objectives, and the nature of the fact-finding proceeding.

Below are examples of these sentences:

Defense statement example

This is a debate presented by the defense team. It provides alternative explanations for the referenced occurrences, challenges witnesses’ credibility , and highlights weaknesses in the prosecution’s case. It aims to persuade jurors of the client’s innocence. 

Mr. Harry Sendoff is wrongfully accused in this case. He bought the car months after the bank robbery he is accused of being part of. The vehicle was bought from Hybrid Motors under an as-is bill of sale to be presented. The title and vehicle registration ID will also be produced to show the date when the title was transferred. We hope that he will be acquitted with the indisputable evidence provided.  

Prosecution statement example

A prosecution mini-essay indicates the elements of the crime and presents key evidence, witnesses, and legal grounds for the defendant’s guilt beyond a reasonable doubt. It aims to persuade the jury of the defendant’s wrongdoing and justification for prosecution.    

This is a case of employee assault. Barry Miles has been an employee of Jerry Sanders for four years. CCTV footage shows multiple assaults by Mr. Sanders on multiple occasions. Mr. Miles feared reporting the crimes as he was threatened with being fired. We hope the court finds Mr. Sanders guilty of assault and blackmail and orders him to pay $100,000 in damages. 

Mock trial statement example

A mock trial simulates or hypothesizes real events that led to litigation. So, its debate should provide a compelling narrative that accurately depicts the parties’ actions or events in the case. 

This is a case of theft. Mrs. Sharleen Hides’ purse and phone were stolen by Mr. Barry Button through snatching, and he fled to the BigYellow Store. The phone was traced and found to be in Mr. Button’s possession. Multiple witnesses can attest to this fact and will be called to the stand. We hope the defendant can be found guilty and convicted, or pay a compensation of $5,000. 

Mediation statement example

The statement for a mediation case typically begins by defining mediation as a voluntary and confidential process in which parties come together with the assistance of a neutral mediator to resolve their disputes. Mediation is based on open communication, active listening, and mutual understanding, aiming to facilitate dialogue and find mutually satisfactory solutions.

It provides an opportunity for the parties to express their perspectives, identify common ground, and explore creative options to resolve their differences without resorting to litigation. It emphasizes the importance of cooperation, respect, and the willingness to engage in productive discussions to achieve a mutually beneficial outcome.

Good morning/afternoon. My name is [Your Name], and I represent [Party Name]. With me is [Co-Counsel’s Name], and together, we will guide you through this mediation process. We are here today to resolve our dispute fairly and efficiently. Through constructive dialogue, we aim to find a mutually beneficial solution that addresses both parties’ concerns. Let us approach this process with an open mind, respectful communication, and a willingness to explore creative options. Our goal is to restore or enhance the relationship between the parties while reaching a fair resolution. Thank you.

Arbitration statement example

In an arbitration proceeding, which is a type of alternative dispute resolution, the opening statement acts as an introduction to the case and establishes the framework for the arguments and evidence that will be presented. It serves as an opportunity for the representatives of the parties to provide a concise overview of the dispute and its main issues, while also outlining their desired outcome or objectives.

Its purpose is to capture the arbitrator’s attention and ensure a clear understanding of the parties’ positions, ultimately guiding the subsequent proceedings toward a fair and impartial resolution.

Good morning/afternoon. My name is [Your Name], and I represent [Party Name]. With me is [Co-Counsel’s Name], and together, we will present our case before the arbitrator. We will diligently present evidence, testimonies, and legal arguments to support our position. Our commitment is to fairness, integrity, and professionalism throughout this process. We trust the arbitrator’s expertise in making a reasoned decision based on the facts and legal principles presented. Thank you.

Frequently Asked Questions

The length of the mini-essay will depend on the complexity of the case. Additionally, in some jurisdictions, there are restrictions on its length, while in others, the judge has discretion in determining the appropriate length. However, most statements will last between 10-45 minutes. 

Attorneys are restricted to providing facts they intend to prove and admissible evidence only, rather than making legal arguments or drawing conclusions. Lawyers must also respect the presumption of innocence, particularly in criminal cases, and avoid making statements that assume the guilt of the defendant. It is important to avoid using language that could unduly influence the jury. Moreover, attorneys should only discuss admissible evidence that has been properly introduced in court, following evidentiary rules. Familiarity with the specific rules and guidelines of the jurisdiction is essential to ensuring compliance with the limitations imposed on opening statements.

Attorneys should focus on presenting their own case rather than attacking or criticizing the opposing party. The focus should be on presenting their own evidence and arguments.

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How to Write an Essay Introduction (with Examples)   

The introduction of an essay plays a critical role in engaging the reader and providing contextual information about the topic. It sets the stage for the rest of the essay, establishes the tone and style, and motivates the reader to continue reading. 

Table of Contents

What is an essay introduction , what to include in an essay introduction, how to create an essay structure , step-by-step process for writing an essay introduction , how to write an essay introduction paragraph with paperpal – step -by -step, how to write a hook for your essay , how to include background information , how to write a thesis statement .

• Argumentative Essay Introduction Example: 
• Expository Essay Introduction Example 

Literary Analysis Essay Introduction Example

Check and revise – checklist for essay introduction , key takeaways , frequently asked questions .

An introduction is the opening section of an essay, paper, or other written work. It introduces the topic and provides background information, context, and an overview of what the reader can expect from the rest of the work. 1 The key is to be concise and to the point, providing enough information to engage the reader without delving into excessive detail. 

The essay introduction is crucial as it sets the tone for the entire piece and provides the reader with a roadmap of what to expect. Here are key elements to include in your essay introduction: 

• Hook : Start with an attention-grabbing statement or question to engage the reader. This could be a surprising fact, a relevant quote, or a compelling anecdote. 
• Background information : Provide context and background information to help the reader understand the topic. This can include historical information, definitions of key terms, or an overview of the current state of affairs related to your topic. 
• Thesis statement : Clearly state your main argument or position on the topic. Your thesis should be concise and specific, providing a clear direction for your essay. 

Before we get into how to write an essay introduction, we need to know how it is structured. The structure of an essay is crucial for organizing your thoughts and presenting them clearly and logically. It is divided as follows: 2  

• Introduction:  The introduction should grab the reader’s attention with a hook, provide context, and include a thesis statement that presents the main argument or purpose of the essay.  
• Body:  The body should consist of focused paragraphs that support your thesis statement using evidence and analysis. Each paragraph should concentrate on a single central idea or argument and provide evidence, examples, or analysis to back it up.  
• Conclusion:  The conclusion should summarize the main points and restate the thesis differently. End with a final statement that leaves a lasting impression on the reader. Avoid new information or arguments. 

Here’s a step-by-step guide on how to write an essay introduction: 

• Start with a Hook : Begin your introduction paragraph with an attention-grabbing statement, question, quote, or anecdote related to your topic. The hook should pique the reader’s interest and encourage them to continue reading. 
• Provide Background Information : This helps the reader understand the relevance and importance of the topic. 
• State Your Thesis Statement : The last sentence is the main argument or point of your essay. It should be clear, concise, and directly address the topic of your essay. 
• Preview the Main Points : This gives the reader an idea of what to expect and how you will support your thesis. 
• Keep it Concise and Clear : Avoid going into too much detail or including information not directly relevant to your topic. 
• Revise : Revise your introduction after you’ve written the rest of your essay to ensure it aligns with your final argument. 

Unsure of how to start your essay introduction? Leverage Paperpal’s Generative AI templates to provide a base for your essay introduction. Here’s an example of an essay outline generated by Paperpal.  

Use the generated essay outline as your base for the introduction. If you’re stuck writing, you can use Paperpal’s Predictive AI writing features to continue writing. 

Use Paperpal’s Preditive AI writing features to maintain your writing flow

This is one of the key steps in how to write an essay introduction. Crafting a compelling hook is vital because it sets the tone for your entire essay and determines whether your readers will stay interested. A good hook draws the reader in and sets the stage for the rest of your essay.  

• Avoid Dry Fact : Instead of simply stating a bland fact, try to make it engaging and relevant to your topic. For example, if you’re writing about the benefits of exercise, you could start with a startling statistic like, “Did you know that regular exercise can increase your lifespan by up to seven years?” 
• Avoid Using a Dictionary Definition : While definitions can be informative, they’re not always the most captivating way to start an essay. Instead, try to use a quote, anecdote, or provocative question to pique the reader’s interest. For instance, if you’re writing about freedom, you could begin with a quote from a famous freedom fighter or philosopher. 
• Do Not Just State a Fact That the Reader Already Knows : This ties back to the first point—your hook should surprise or intrigue the reader. For Here’s an introduction paragraph example, if you’re writing about climate change, you could start with a thought-provoking statement like, “Despite overwhelming evidence, many people still refuse to believe in the reality of climate change.” 

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Including background information in the introduction section of your essay is important to provide context and establish the relevance of your topic. When writing the background information, you can follow these steps: 

• Start with a General Statement:  Begin with a general statement about the topic and gradually narrow it down to your specific focus. For example, when discussing the impact of social media, you can begin by making a broad statement about social media and its widespread use in today’s society, as follows: “Social media has become an integral part of modern life, with billions of users worldwide.” 
• Define Key Terms : Define any key terms or concepts that may be unfamiliar to your readers but are essential for understanding your argument. 
• Provide Relevant Statistics:  Use statistics or facts to highlight the significance of the issue you’re discussing. For instance, “According to a report by Statista, the number of social media users is expected to reach 4.41 billion by 2025.” 
• Discuss the Evolution:  Mention previous research or studies that have been conducted on the topic, especially those that are relevant to your argument. Mention key milestones or developments that have shaped its current impact. You can also outline some of the major effects of social media. For example, you can briefly describe how social media has evolved, including positives such as increased connectivity and issues like cyberbullying and privacy concerns. 
• Transition to Your Thesis:  Use the background information to lead into your thesis statement, which should clearly state the main argument or purpose of your essay. For example, “Given its pervasive influence, it is crucial to examine the impact of social media on mental health.” 

A thesis statement is a concise summary of the main point or claim of an essay, research paper, or other type of academic writing. It appears near the end of the introduction. Here’s how to write a thesis statement: 

• Identify the topic:  Start by identifying the topic of your essay. For example, if your essay is about the importance of exercise for overall health, your topic is “exercise.” 
• State your position:  Next, state your position or claim about the topic. This is the main argument or point you want to make. For example, if you believe that regular exercise is crucial for maintaining good health, your position could be: “Regular exercise is essential for maintaining good health.” 
• Support your position:  Provide a brief overview of the reasons or evidence that support your position. These will be the main points of your essay. For example, if you’re writing an essay about the importance of exercise, you could mention the physical health benefits, mental health benefits, and the role of exercise in disease prevention. 
• Make it specific:  Ensure your thesis statement clearly states what you will discuss in your essay. For example, instead of saying, “Exercise is good for you,” you could say, “Regular exercise, including cardiovascular and strength training, can improve overall health and reduce the risk of chronic diseases.” 

Examples of essay introduction 

Here are examples of essay introductions for different types of essays: 

Argumentative Essay Introduction Example:  

Topic: Should the voting age be lowered to 16? 

“The question of whether the voting age should be lowered to 16 has sparked nationwide debate. While some argue that 16-year-olds lack the requisite maturity and knowledge to make informed decisions, others argue that doing so would imbue young people with agency and give them a voice in shaping their future.” 

Expository Essay Introduction Example  

Topic: The benefits of regular exercise 

“In today’s fast-paced world, the importance of regular exercise cannot be overstated. From improving physical health to boosting mental well-being, the benefits of exercise are numerous and far-reaching. This essay will examine the various advantages of regular exercise and provide tips on incorporating it into your daily routine.” 

Text: “To Kill a Mockingbird” by Harper Lee 

“Harper Lee’s novel, ‘To Kill a Mockingbird,’ is a timeless classic that explores themes of racism, injustice, and morality in the American South. Through the eyes of young Scout Finch, the reader is taken on a journey that challenges societal norms and forces characters to confront their prejudices. This essay will analyze the novel’s use of symbolism, character development, and narrative structure to uncover its deeper meaning and relevance to contemporary society.” 

• Engaging and Relevant First Sentence : The opening sentence captures the reader’s attention and relates directly to the topic. 
• Background Information : Enough background information is introduced to provide context for the thesis statement. 
• Definition of Important Terms : Key terms or concepts that might be unfamiliar to the audience or are central to the argument are defined. 
• Clear Thesis Statement : The thesis statement presents the main point or argument of the essay. 
• Relevance to Main Body : Everything in the introduction directly relates to and sets up the discussion in the main body of the essay. 

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Writing a strong introduction is crucial for setting the tone and context of your essay. Here are the key takeaways for how to write essay introduction: 3  

• Hook the Reader : Start with an engaging hook to grab the reader’s attention. This could be a compelling question, a surprising fact, a relevant quote, or an anecdote. 
• Provide Background : Give a brief overview of the topic, setting the context and stage for the discussion. 
• Thesis Statement : State your thesis, which is the main argument or point of your essay. It should be concise, clear, and specific. 
• Preview the Structure : Outline the main points or arguments to help the reader understand the organization of your essay. 
• Keep it Concise : Avoid including unnecessary details or information not directly related to your thesis. 
• Revise and Edit : Revise your introduction to ensure clarity, coherence, and relevance. Check for grammar and spelling errors. 
• Seek Feedback : Get feedback from peers or instructors to improve your introduction further. 

The purpose of an essay introduction is to give an overview of the topic, context, and main ideas of the essay. It is meant to engage the reader, establish the tone for the rest of the essay, and introduce the thesis statement or central argument.  

An essay introduction typically ranges from 5-10% of the total word count. For example, in a 1,000-word essay, the introduction would be roughly 50-100 words. However, the length can vary depending on the complexity of the topic and the overall length of the essay.

An essay introduction is critical in engaging the reader and providing contextual information about the topic. To ensure its effectiveness, consider incorporating these key elements: a compelling hook, background information, a clear thesis statement, an outline of the essay’s scope, a smooth transition to the body, and optional signposting sentences.  

The process of writing an essay introduction is not necessarily straightforward, but there are several strategies that can be employed to achieve this end. When experiencing difficulty initiating the process, consider the following techniques: begin with an anecdote, a quotation, an image, a question, or a startling fact to pique the reader’s interest. It may also be helpful to consider the five W’s of journalism: who, what, when, where, why, and how.   For instance, an anecdotal opening could be structured as follows: “As I ascended the stage, momentarily blinded by the intense lights, I could sense the weight of a hundred eyes upon me, anticipating my next move. The topic of discussion was climate change, a subject I was passionate about, and it was my first public speaking event. Little did I know , that pivotal moment would not only alter my perspective but also chart my life’s course.” 

Crafting a compelling thesis statement for your introduction paragraph is crucial to grab your reader’s attention. To achieve this, avoid using overused phrases such as “In this paper, I will write about” or “I will focus on” as they lack originality. Instead, strive to engage your reader by substantiating your stance or proposition with a “so what” clause. While writing your thesis statement, aim to be precise, succinct, and clear in conveying your main argument.  

To create an effective essay introduction, ensure it is clear, engaging, relevant, and contains a concise thesis statement. It should transition smoothly into the essay and be long enough to cover necessary points but not become overwhelming. Seek feedback from peers or instructors to assess its effectiveness. 

References  

• Cui, L. (2022). Unit 6 Essay Introduction.  Building Academic Writing Skills . 
• West, H., Malcolm, G., Keywood, S., & Hill, J. (2019). Writing a successful essay.  Journal of Geography in Higher Education ,  43 (4), 609-617. 
• Beavers, M. E., Thoune, D. L., & McBeth, M. (2023). Bibliographic Essay: Reading, Researching, Teaching, and Writing with Hooks: A Queer Literacy Sponsorship. College English, 85(3), 230-242. 

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Your chance of acceptance, your chancing factors, extracurriculars, how do i choose a strong opening sentence for my college essay.

I want to make sure my college essay starts off strong and grabs the reader's attention. How do I come up with a captivating opening sentence? Any tips or examples would be greatly appreciated!

Great question! A strong opening sentence is indeed crucial to grabbing the reader's attention and setting the stage for your college essay. To create an impactful opening sentence, consider beginning with a story, a question, or a statement that generates curiosity.

One strategy is to start with an anecdote that highlights an experience related to the subject you plan to discuss. By doing this, you'll immerse the reader in your narrative. For example:

'As I plunged into the icy water, I realized how important it was to push my boundaries and face my fears.'

Alternatively, you could open with a question to engage the reader and set the tone for the essay. For instance:

'What does it take to turn an ordinary meal into a culinary adventure?'

Another approach involves using a thought-provoking statement that piques the reader's interest:

'If I were ever asked to describe myself in one word, it wouldn't be one word at all: it'd be a mathematical constant.'

Remember to be authentic and creative with your opening sentence. Good luck with your college essay!

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Writing Engaging Introduction Paragraphs: The Key to Excellent Essays

The introduction, also known as the opening paragraph, holds paramount significance in the process of writing an academic essay . It serves as the reader's first encounter with your essay, providing them with valuable insights into the topic and your intended message. A well-structured introduction plays a vital role in captivating the reader's attention and establishing the foundation for the entire essay. If you're searching for how to begin an essay introduction or how to write the first paragraph, this guide has your answers. Let's cover everything about writing a good introduction paragraph for your essay.

A good introduction paragraph acts as an entrypoint, captivating readers and enticing them to explore your essay further. It establishes the desired tone, introduces key ideas, presents a clear argument, and provides readers with a navigational roadmap throughout the essay. By learning the each step invloved in the process of writing a perfect introduction, you can engage your audience, establish credibility, and lay a solid foundation for a persuasive and well-written essay.

In this comprehensive guide, we will explore the four essential steps involved in formatting and writing an impressive essay introduction paragraph. We will look into the significance of various attention-grabbing hooks, the value of providing relevant context, the importance of articulating a clear thesis, and the process of outlining the key points. Moreover, we will provide you with practical tips, techniques, and examples to enhance your academic writing skills , empowering you to write powerful and engaging openings for your essays.

It is recommended that the introduction should not surpass 10-15% of the total essay length, ensuring a balanced start to your writing. It is also important to note that the process of writing an introductory paragraph is not static; it requires refinement, polishing, and adaptation to the specific format of an essay being written. Whether you're writing a narrative essay , descriptive essay , persuasive essay , expository essay or any other type of essay, the approach to writing the opening paragraphs may vary. Each essay type comes with its own set of expectations and requirements, which should be taken into consideration when writing the intro for your essay. By understanding the unique characteristics and goals of the particular type, you can tailor the introduction paragraph of your essay to effectively engage the reader and set the stage for the rest of your essay.

Table of Content

• Introducing the topic
• Question hook
• Statistic hook
• Quotation hook
• Anecdotal hook
• Statement hook
• Providing background
• Stating the thesis
• Outlining the key-points
• Example of an essay introduction
• Checklist for writing the introduction paragraph

Introducing the Topic with a Catchy Hook

One of the fundamental elements of a good introduction paragraph is capturing the reader's attention from the very beginning known as the opening sentence of your essay. This can be achieved through the use of different types of hooks. A hook is an attention-grabbing opening sentence or statement that piques the reader's curiosity and entices them to continue reading. Most often, essay hooks are constructed to generate curiosity or raise a question. However, it is important to keep in mind that the hook should be relevant and connected to the topic of your essay.

Exploring the 5 Types of Hooks for Engaging Essay Openings

Writing an engaging essay introduction is an indispensable aspect of various essay types. It holds the power to captivate your audience and ignite their curiosity. To unravel the mystery behind the art of hooking readers from the very first sentence, let's explore the five types of attention-grabbing hooks. By understanding these hooks, you will learn the art of capturing your audience's attention and setting the stage for a remarkable essay. Now, Let's explore the five types of hooks which can be used as a good starter for your essay:

1 Question Hook:

A question hook involves posing a thought-provoking question to the readers in the opening sentence of your essay. It stimulates their curiosity and encourages them to contemplate the answer, making them eager to read further into your essay.

When writing a question hook, it's crucial to choose a question that is relevant to your topic and aligns with the purpose of your essay. Consider the following tips:

• Make it thought-provoking: Formulate a question that challenges common assumptions or prompts reflection.
• Keep it concise: Ensure the question is concise and clear to avoid confusion.
• Create a connection: Relate the question to your topic in a way that captivates the reader's interest.

Now, let's create a question hook using the example topic "The Impact of Social Media on Society." A good example of a question hook to begin your opening sentence would be:

Example of question hook:

Have you ever wondered how social media has transformed society and shaped the way we communicate and interact with one another?

In this example, the question hook prompts readers to consider the influence of social media on how people perceive the world around them and how it affects their everyday experiences. This thought-provoking question sets the stage for an engaging and informative essay on the topic of the impact of social media on society.

Remember, a question hook can be a powerful way to engage your readers and set the stage for an insightful essay. However, it's important to ensure that the rest of your essay answers the question posed in the hook, providing a satisfying response for your readers.

2 Statistic Hook:

Statistic hooks involve presenting a compelling statistical fact or data to capture the reader's attention. By providing a concrete and relevant statistic, you can immediately pique the reader's interest and emphasize the significance of your essay topic.

When using statistics for opening hook sentence, consider the following tips:

• Ensure accuracy: Verify the reliability and credibility of the statistic from reputable sources. Relate it to your topic: Connect the statistic to your essay's subject matter, highlighting its relevance and relevance.
• Choose a compelling statistic: Find a statistic that is surprising, impactful, or thought-provoking to make a strong impression.

An effective statistic hook to start your essay introduction would be:

Example of statistic hook:

With over 4.2 billion active users worldwide, social media has undeniably revolutionized the way we communicate, interact, and consume information.

This statistic hook immediately captures the reader's attention by highlighting the vast scale of social media usage and its pervasive presence in our lives. It sets the stage for an essay exploring the profound impact of social media on society.

Remember, a statistic hook can be a powerful way to engage your readers and establish the importance of your essay's subject matter. Ensure that you follow up with a well-developed and insightful essay that elaborates on the implications of the statistic and provides valuable analysis.

3 Quotation Hook:

A quotation hook involves using a relevant and impactful quote to grab the reader's attention and set the tone for your essay. By selecting a compelling quote from a notable individual or a significant source, you can immediately intrigue readers and make them eager to explore your essay further.

When starting your essay opening sentence with a quotation hook, consider the following tips:

• Connect it to your topic: Explain how the quote relates to your essay's subject matter, providing context and setting up the subsequent discussion.

A good example of eye-catching quotation hook for your essay would be:

Example of quotation hook:

“Ideally we want a juror who has a high social status, because those people tend to influence other jurors when it comes to deliberations.” (Jodi Picoult, 2016, p.287)

This quotation hook captures the essence of the profound influence of social media on modern society. The quote by Jodi Picoult highlights the all-encompassing nature of social media and its pervasive impact on various aspects of our lives. It sets the stage for an engaging essay that explores the implications and consequences of this phenomenon.

A quotation hook can be a compelling way to captivate your readers and create an engaging introduction. Ensure that you follow up with a well-developed essay that elaborates on the quote's significance and offers insightful analysis or discussion.

4 Anecdotal Hook:

An anecdotal hook involves starting your essay with a short and engaging personal story or anecdote. By sharing a relatable and intriguing narrative, you can immediately draw the reader into your essay and create an emotional connection. Anecdotes are particularly effective for making your essay more relatable and humanizing the topic at hand.

When using an anecdotal hook for writing the opening sentence of your essay, keep the following tips in mind:

• Choose a relevant and captivating story: Select an anecdote that directly relates to your essay's topic and grabs the reader's attention. It should be interesting and provide context for the subsequent discussion.
• Keep it concise: Ensure that your anecdote is brief and doesn't overshadow the main points of your essay. The goal is to engage the reader, not to tell a lengthy story.
• Highlight its connection to the topic: Clearly explain how the anecdote connects to the subject matter of your essay. This will help the reader understand the relevance and significance of the story in relation to the broader theme.

By considering these tips, you can effectively use anecdotal hook to engage your readers and create a strong connection between your personal story and the larger context of your essay. A powerful anecdotal hook to begin your essay would look like this:

Example of anecdotal hook:

Imagine walking into a bustling cafe, where the aroma of freshly brewed coffee fills the air.

By writing this anecdotal hook, we transport the reader into a specific moment, evoking imagery and emotions that prompt contemplation. It lays the foundation for an essay exploring the profound influence of social media on society, inviting readers to reflect on their own experiences and consider the broader impact of digital connectivity.

An anecdotal hook adds a personal touch to your essay and helps create an immediate connection with your audience. Ensure that the subsequent essay expands upon the themes introduced in the anecdote and provides meaningful analysis or insights.

5 Statement Hook:

A statement hook involves starting your essay introduction with a bold and attention-grabbing statement that immediately captures the reader's interest. By presenting a compelling assertion or provocative statement, you can intrigue readers and compel them to continue reading to find out more.

When presenting a statement hook in your essay's opening sentence, consider the following tips:

• Choose a captivating statement: Select a statement that challenges common beliefs, presents a surprising fact, or poses a thought-provoking idea. It should be bold and impactful to engage your readers from the beginning.
• Make it concise and clear: Ensure that your statement is concise and easily understood. A clear and succinct statement will effectively convey your message without confusion.
• Connect it to your essay topic: Explain how the statement relates to your essay's subject matter and why it is significant. This will provide context and set the stage for the subsequent discussion.

By following these tips, you can write an impactful statement hook to introduce your essay. A good example of statement hook woulde be:

Example of statement hook:

Social media has transformed the very fabric of human interaction, reshaping the way we communicate, connect, and perceive the world around us.

This statement hook immediately grabs the reader's attention by asserting the profound impact of social media on society. It sets the stage for an essay that delves into the various ways social media has revolutionized communication and its implications for our lives.

A statement hook possesses the power to captivate your readers and establish the tone of your essay. However, it is crucial to follow it up with a well-developed essay that offers supporting evidence, insightful analysis, and relevant insights to substantiate the assertive statement introduced in the hook. This ensures a cohesive and persuasive essay that reinforces the initial impact and engages readers throughout.

Enhancing Background Information and Context Setting:

After captivating the reader's attention with an intriguing opening statement, it is crucial to provide the necessary background information to establish the context for your essay topic. When providing the context, emphasize the significance and relevance of the subject matter. Offer a concise overview of why the topic is important, highlighting its connections to broader issues, ongoing debates, or current events. Consider discussing its historical development, societal implications, or other relevant factors. Additionally, define key terms associated with your topic. By setting the context in this manner, you provide the reader with a glimpse into the larger framework of your essay, facilitating their understanding of the topic and anticipation of the arguments and insights to be presented throughout your essay.

To provide a solid foundation for the ensuing discussion, it is important to establish the necessary context and background surrounding the topic at hand. Here is an example of providing a context for your essay on the topic of "The Impact of Social Media on Society":

Example of context:

With platforms like Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram at our fingertips, social media has enabled people from diverse backgrounds to connect and engage on a global scale. The rapid advancement of technology and the widespread availability of smartphones have made social media accessible to a vast population, influencing various aspects of society.

Stating the Thesis or Main Argument

The thesis statement is a crucial component of your essay introduction as it encapsulates the main idea or argument you want to present. It serves as a concise and clear statement that sets the direction for your entire essay. Crafting an effective thesis statement requires careful consideration and refinement.

To create an effective thesis statement, it is important to narrow down the argument you want to make. Begin by brainstorming and listing out different versions of your argument. Explore various angles and perspectives until you find the most compelling and persuasive way to present your main idea.

One useful tip for creating your thesis statement is to ensure that you directly answer the question or prompt. This helps to keep your argument focused and relevant. By directly addressing the question, you provide a clear sense of purpose and direction for your essay.

Additionally, various prewriting strategies such as brainstorming, outlining, and researching can greatly assist in establishing your thesis statement during the planning process of your essay. These activities help you gather and organize your thoughts, allowing you to identify key points and supporting evidence that will shape your thesis statement.

A well-developed thesis statement not only conveys your main argument but also provides a roadmap for the rest of your essay. It helps you structure your essay and guides your readers in understanding the purpose and scope of your work. By investing time and effort in developing a strong thesis statement, you lay a solid foundation for a compelling and cohesive essay.

Example of thesis statement:

Social media has profoundly transformed society, impacting communication, culture, politics, personal well-being, and our fundamental identities.

Mapping the Path: Providing an Outline of the Key Points in Your Essay

In addition to stating the thesis, providing background information, and grabbing reader's attention with an engaging opening hook statement, it is now beneficial to outline the key points of your essay that will be discussed in the rest of the parts of your essay's main body. This serves as a roadmap for the reader, offering a clear overview of the essay's structure and helping them follow along with the argument.

Providing a clear roadmap offers several advantages. Firstly, it allows the reader to anticipate the key ideas that will be covered in the essay. This creates a sense of coherence and helps them understand the logical progression of your argument. By presenting a concise overview of the key points, you help the reader grasp the overall organization of your essay and the central themes you will explore.

When providing an outline, it is important to be concise and clear. Briefly mention the key ideas or arguments that will be discussed in the essay, ensuring that they are directly related to the thesis statement.

Here's one possible example of outlining the key-points in your essay introduction:

Example of essay outline:

In this paper, we will explore the multifaceted impact of social media on society. Firstly, we will examine its influence on interpersonal relationships and community building. Secondly, we will analyze its impact on information dissemination and consumption. Finally, we will discuss the role of social media in shaping cultural norms and trends.

By providing this outline, you not only give the reader a clear structure to follow but also demonstrate your essay's organization and coherence. This approach enhances the overall readability and comprehension of your essay, making it easier for the reader to engage with your arguments.

Example: Essay Introduction Paragraph

Here's an example of the introduction paragraph. Discover the different sections highlighted in distinct colors and hover over or click on each one to unveil a comprehensive description of the essay's introduction writing process.

Example of essay introduction

With over 4.2 billion active users worldwide, social media has undeniably revolutionized the way we communicate, interact, and consume information. In today's interconnected world, social media has become an integral part of our daily lives, transforming the way we communicate, share information, and interact with others. It has revolutionized the digital landscape, captivating millions of users worldwide. Social media has profoundly transformed society, impacting communication, culture, politics, personal well-being, and our fundamental identities. In this paper, we will explore the multifaceted impact of social media on society. Firstly, we will examine its influence on interpersonal relationships and community building. Secondly, we will analyze its impact on information dissemination and consumption. Finally, we will discuss the role of social media in shaping cultural norms and trends.

Checklist for Writing an Effective Essay Introduction

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• Tags: Essay , Essay Writing

Staring at a blank page, not knowing how to start your essay introduction can certainly be daunting! You may spend hours pondering over the introduction of your essay, while the deadline draws closer each day. However, the formula for a great introduction paragraph is not that complex.

Different types of essays use different forms of introductions. But a good introduction should grab the reader’s attention from the get-go! It should also equip the reader with essential background information and acquaint them with the main idea of your essay.

In this article, we’ll guide you on how to start off an essay with a bang. We’ll also brief you on a few essay introduction examples. Let’s start by understanding how to write an introduction for an essay.

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How to start an essay

In order to understand how to start an essay, we need to first take a look at its different components. The introduction to an essay consists of three main parts:

1. Hook: Attractive opening line that draws the reader’s attention

2. Background information: Relevant information that revolves around the thesis statement

3. Thesis statement: The main argument or idea of your essay

You can also provide an overview, which gives the reader a glimpse of what is to come. But make sure that this structure is very brief. 

There are several ways to start an essay. But, any changes to the content of your essay may lead to significant revisions in your introduction. 

We suggest that you simply develop a rough thesis statement and save the essay introduction paragraph for the end. Once you have completed the rest of your work, you can use the following steps to understand how to start an essay introduction:

1. Begin with an attractive hook

In order to understand how to start an introduction in an essay, we must first focus on the hook. An effective opening statement, or a “hook”, aims to intrigue the reader. An attractive opening statement essentially hooks the reader to your essay. It should be fairly concise but should still provide insight into the main point of your essay. 

Although the goal of the opening statement is the same for all essay types, different essays use different types of hooks. Since essay types are highly diverse, an opening statement that works for one type of essay may not always work for the other. Hence, it’s crucial to refer to different types of opening statements. 

Let’s understand this with the help of the following opening statements:

A. Interesting fact or statistic

Begin your essay with a shocking, seemingly unbelievable fact that makes the reader want to delve further into your essay. This type of opener is especially useful for persuasive and expository essays . 

A key thing to consider while using this opener is to make sure it ties to the rest of your introduction. Relevancy is key to an effective opener. 

Let’s take a look at a few examples:

The richest 1% of the world’s population owns more wealth than the remaining 99% combined. As the gap between the ultra-rich and the rest of society continues to widen, questions about fairness, social mobility, and the sustainability of such a system become increasingly critical to address.

Approximately 450 million people worldwide are currently living with mental health disorders, yet stigma and discrimination persist, preventing many from seeking the help they desperately need.

The universe is estimated to contain more than 2 trillion galaxies, each harboring billions of stars. With such mind-boggling vastness, the question arises: Are we alone?

B. Question

Wondering how to start an introduction in an essay using a unique format? Just ask a question! Starting off your essay with a question makes your essay more interactive, as it directly addresses the reader. It adds an element of interest to your essay making it much more engaging as compared to a passive, boring statement. 

It also encourages the reader to form their own opinion on a particular topic. This type of opener is best suited for persuasive and argumentative essays . 

Here are a few examples: 

Are we playing with nature’s blueprint while unlocking unprecedented medical breakthroughs? Delving into the ethical considerations surrounding genetic engineering opens up Pandora’s box of questions about the balance between scientific progress, ethical boundaries, and the long-term consequences for humanity.

Is personal privacy a casualty of the digital age, or can we strike a balance between technological convenience and safeguarding our personal information? Examining the implications of surveillance, data collection, and cybersecurity challenges us to reassess the boundaries of privacy in an interconnected world.

Can machines truly possess intelligence and consciousness? Exploring the ethical and philosophical implications of AI raises fundamental questions about the nature of humanity and the boundaries of technological advancement.

C. Dramatized opening

We’ve already taken a look at how to start an essay introduction for different types of academic essays. Hence, we must also figure out how to start a paragraph in an essay when it comes to creative writing. 

Innovative and dramatic opening statements are key factors in creative essay types. These openings are used to create a scene that the reader can step into. 

This type of opening is commonly used in personal essays , narrative essays , and descriptive essays. However, they can also be used in persuasive essays to put across your point. 

Let’s take a look:

In the depths of a moonlit forest, a lone figure emerged, carrying the weight of a secret that would unravel the very fabric of their existence.

Nestled amidst emerald green hills, a quaint village exuded an old-world charm. Its cobblestone streets were lined with charming cottages adorned with cascading flowers.

The ancient ruins stand stoic and weathered, their crumbling stone walls echoing the whispers of history. For centuries, this city has invited visitors to step back in time and unravel their enigmatic stories.

D. Impactful quote

Another key technique to kick off your opening statement is to impart knowledge from experts. This can be done with the help of a powerful quote that foreshadows the theme and topic of your essay. 

This technique is highly versatile and can be used for all essay types. However, it is key to take into account that your opening quote is relevant to the rest of your essay. An unrelated quote may have the opposite effect and may confuse the reader!

Here are a few impactful opening quotes:

According to Winston Churchill “The Industrial Revolution was a revolution of profound consequences, an age of wonders that turned the wheels of progress and forever changed the course of human history.” According to the recent evidence, this statement seems to ring true.

“The pain of mental illness knows no boundaries of age, and in the battle against depression, it is our duty to lend a helping hand and provide a ray of hope to the young souls navigating through the darkness.” A profound statement quoted by first lady, Michelle Obama. Mental health disorders affect millions of people worldwide, and the World Health Organization (WHO) has recognized the global burden of mental health as a significant public health challenge. However, many people do not receive the necessary mental health care they need due to various social, and economic barriers.

As famous anthropologist Jane Goodall correctly pointed out, “Genetic modification holds the key to unlocking the mysteries of life, but we must tread cautiously, for with great power comes great responsibility.” While genetic modification holds tremendous potential to improve agriculture, healthcare, and overall human well-being, we can’t turn a  blind eye to the potential dangers and ethical concerns associated with this practice.

E. Main idea

Some essays require no beating around the bush and should get straight to the point. The goal is to be as clear, concise, and succinct as possible.

In such cases, it is a good idea to simply begin your essay with the main idea. This sort of opening statement is especially useful for analytical and argumentative essays as it immediately conveys your stance on an argument. 

Here are a few succinct opening statements:

Smoking should be universally prohibited due to its severe health risks for both smokers and involuntary bystanders, its strain on public healthcare systems, and its negative impact on societal well-being.

Subsidized college education is crucial to the development of society. It enhances accessibility, promotes social mobility, reduces disparities, and empowers individuals to contribute to the economy.

Dismissing emotional support animals as a scam overlooks their well-documented therapeutic benefits of providing genuine support to individuals with mental health issues.

Now that we’ve understood how to start a paragraph in an essay with the help of a hook, let’s move on to providing the necessary context.

2. Provide essential background information

The introduction to an essay consists of more than just a hook and the main idea. In order to learn how to start an introduction for an essay, it is crucial to understand what background information needs to be included in your introduction. The goal is to acquaint the reader with the background of your topic or argument without getting into the specifics. The background information may include:

• Historical and social background
• Geographical facts
• Past research or theories on a particular argument
• Definition of terminologies in case of a highly technical essay

Although the background information provides context to your thesis statement, it should be highly generalized. It is a good idea to save the more detailed bits for the body paragraphs. The length and scope of your background information depend on the complexity of your essay. But keep it fairly broad and do not delve into the specifics. 

Let’s take a look at a few examples of background information:

The following example provides background information for the topic “Why Domestication of Wild Animals Should Be Prohibited”.

Wild animals play critical roles in maintaining ecological balance within their natural habitats. Removing them from their natural environments disrupts the delicate balance of ecosystems, leading to potential negative impacts on biodiversity and ecosystem health.

Here’s an essay introduction example on the topic “Experiencing the Beauty of Hana Matsuri in Japan”:

Hana Matsuri, also known as the “Flower Festival” or “Buddha’s Birthday,” is a significant annual festival celebrated in Japan to commemorate the birth of Siddhartha Gautama, who later became known as Buddha. The festival takes place on April 8th or the nearest Sunday, depending on the region.

The final example is based on the topic ”Changes in the Post-Covid Work Culture”.

Pre-pandemic, many organizations had a traditional office-based work culture, where employees would commute to a physical workspace and work regular hours. This allowed for face-to-face interactions, team collaboration, and a sense of community among coworkers.

3. Present your main idea or thesis statement

In order to construct an impactful introductory paragraph, its foundation must be strong. It is crucial to construct a rough idea of your thesis statement even before writing an introducton paragraph. A good thesis statement should be broad enough to be elaborated on. But you need to make sure that it’s not too broad since an overabundance of information will make the essay tedious to work upon.

The thesis statement is the most important part of your essay. It is the premise or argument upon which the entire essay is based. A good thesis statement summarizes the main argument of your essay in just a few sentences.

Let’s take a look at a few impactful thesis statements:

The following thesis statement is based on the topic “Harvesting the Rain”.

Rainwater harvesting represents a sustainable and effective solution to combat water scarcity by capturing and utilizing rainfall, thereby alleviating the pressures on traditional water sources, promoting self-sufficiency, and fostering long-term environmental and societal resilience.

Here’s an example of a thesis statement for the topic “Unveiling the Mysteries of the Medieval World”:

The medieval period, characterized by its rich tapestry of cultural, social, and political developments, shaped the course of history through its influence on governance, religion, arts, and the emergence of a distinct feudal system.

Here’s one on the topic “Tracing the Journey of Canine Domestication”:

The domestication of dogs, a complex process spanning thousands of years, not only transformed wolves into loyal companions but also had profound impacts on human society.

4. Provide a general overview  

Although this step is optional, it is a good idea to provide a general overview of your essay in the introduction paragraph. This is especially beneficial for longer essays. It gives the reader a gist of what is to be expected and the points that you will be covering.

Let’s take a look at a few examples: 

The following overview is for the topic “Life in the Victorian Era”.

The essay begins with a discussion of social segregation and class division in the Victorian era. It then highlights the impact of the industrial revolution on Victorian society. Finally, it discusses the influence of Victorian morals, values, and art on modern society.  

Now that we’ve figured out how to write introductions for essays let’s take a look at a few introduction examples for essays.   

Essay introduction examples

To guide you in your essay writing journey, we’ve also provided a few good introductions for essays. Since different essay types have different types of introduction paragraphs, we’ve provided examples of how to start an essay for the four main essay types (narrative, descriptive, argumentative, and expository essay).

Narrative essay introduction example

The following narrative essay introduction example revolves around the everyday struggles faced by a person of color living as an immigrant in a foreign nation.

•  Background information
•  Thesis statement

As the sun rose on a seemingly ordinary day, little did I know that it would mark the beginning of a journey that would shape my identity, challenge my perceptions, and lead me to discover the profound significance of being a person of color. In a world that prides itself on diversity and equality, the lived experiences of individuals from marginalized communities often remain obscured, untold, and overshadowed by dominant narratives. However, I am unafraid to delve into the depths of my personal journey. Through the exploration of pivotal moments, encounters, and self-reflection, I will unveil the complexities and nuances of my life, shedding light on the triumphs, struggles, and transformative experiences that have shaped my understanding of self, others, and the world around me.

Descriptive essay introduction example

The following descriptive essay introduction highlights the beauty of a leisurely walk through the park.

In the hustle and bustle of modern life, where time slips through our fingers like grains of sand, there exists a tranquil refuge—a haven where the frenetic pace slows and the soul finds solace. This refuge is none other than a park—a sanctuary of greenery, a tapestry of serenity nestled within the heart of urban landscapes. It is a place where nature’s gentle symphony mingles with the whispers of the wind, where vibrant hues dance on the canvas of the sky, and where the weary spirit finds respite in the embrace of tranquility. Through the lens of this leisurely stroll, we can unravel the secrets of nature’s embrace, illuminating how a simple walk in the park can rejuvenate our senses, soothe our souls, and reconnect us with the innate beauty of the natural world.

Argumentative essay introduction example

The following argumentative essay introduction revolves around the age-old debate of nature vs. nurture.

The eternal question of whether our genes or our environment shape us as individuals has sparked a timeless debate—the battle between nature and nurture. The nature versus nurture debate revolves around the influence of our genetic inheritance (nature) and the impact of our environment (nurture) on our development, behavior, and essence. The nature perspective argues for the predominance of our innate characteristics determined by our genes, while the nurture perspective emphasizes the crucial role of external factors such as upbringing, social interactions, and cultural influences in shaping our identities. However, a deeper exploration reveals a dynamic interplay between genetic predispositions and environmental factors in human development. The integration of both nature and nurture is essential for comprehending the complexities of individual growth, transcending the boundaries of a simplistic dichotomy.

Expository essay introduction example

The following expository essay introduction describes the world before the advent of the internet and other digital devices.

• Background information

Picture a world without smartphones, social media, or instant connectivity—a time when information was sought from physical encyclopedias, conversations happened face-to-face, and the written word carried a tangible weight. Before the digital age emerged communication, information retrieval, and daily life unfolded through traditional means. Printed books, landline telephones, handwritten letters, and physical newspapers formed the foundation of knowledge dissemination and interpersonal connections. During this analog era, people relied on physical maps for navigation, shopping in brick-and-mortar stores, and cherished personal photo albums to safeguard memories. It was an era that demanded patience and perseverance to acquire information and establish connections. The pre-digital age offered a distinctive combination of challenges and opportunities, providing a glimpse into a simpler, more deliberate way of life. Through an exploration of its defining characteristics, we can gain deeper insights into the impact of the digital revolution on society.

Now that you’ve discovered how to write an essay introduction, you can use this information to create an engaging introduction. After you create your introduction and write the rest of the essay, you’ll also need to edit your essay. Since we provide essay editing services , we’d love to make your work easier. 

We’ve also created many resources to help you write high-quality essays and resolve any confusion you may have. Bookmark the resources given below to write the best essay!

• How to Write a Conclusion for an Essay (Examples Included!)
• Literary Analysis Essay: 5 Steps to a Perfect Assignment
• Compare and Contrast Essay | Quick Guide with Examples
• Narrative Essay | Step-by-Step Guide with Examples
• 8 Types of Essays | Quick Summary with Examples

Frequently Asked Questions

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How to Write a Great College Essay Introduction | Examples

Published on October 4, 2021 by Meredith Testa . Revised on August 14, 2023 by Kirsten Courault.

Admissions officers read thousands of essays each application season, and they may devote as little as five minutes to reviewing a student’s entire application. That means it’s critical to have a well-structured essay with a compelling introduction. As you write and revise your essay , look for opportunities to make your introduction more engaging.

There’s one golden rule for a great introduction: don’t give too much away . Your reader shouldn’t be able to guess the entire trajectory of the essay after reading the first sentence. A striking or unexpected opening captures the reader’s attention, raises questions, and makes them want to keep reading to the end .

Table of contents

Start with a surprise, start with a vivid, specific image, avoid clichés, other interesting articles, frequently asked questions about college application essays.

A great introduction often has an element of mystery. Consider the following opening statement.

This opener is unexpected, even bizarre—what could this student be getting at? How can you be bad at breathing?

The student goes on to describe her experience with asthma and how it has affected her life. It’s not a strange topic, but the introduction is certainly intriguing. This sentence keeps the admissions officer reading, giving the student more of an opportunity to keep their attention and make her point.

In a sea of essays with standard openings such as “One life-changing experience for me was …” or “I overcame an obstacle when …,” this introduction stands out. The student could have used either of those more generic introductions, but neither would have been as successful.

This type of introduction is a true “hook”—it’s highly attention-grabbing, and the reader has to keep reading to understand.

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If your topic doesn’t lend itself to such a surprising opener, you can also start with a vivid, specific description.

Many essays focus on a particular experience, and describing one moment from that experience can draw the reader in. You could focus on small details of what you could see and feel, or drop the reader right into the middle of the story with dialogue or action.

Some students choose to write more broadly about themselves and use some sort of object or metaphor as the focus. If that’s the type of essay you’d like to write, you can describe that object in vivid detail, encouraging the reader to imagine it.

Cliché essay introductions express ideas that are stereotypical or generally thought of as conventional wisdom. Ideas like “My family made me who I am today” or “I accomplished my goals through hard work and determination” may genuinely reflect your life experience, but they aren’t unique or particularly insightful.

Unoriginal essay introductions are easily forgotten and don’t demonstrate a high level of creative thinking. A college essay is intended to give insight into the personality and background of an applicant, so a standard, one-size-fits-all introduction may lead admissions officers to think they are dealing with a standard, unremarkable applicant.

Quotes can often fall into the category of cliché essay openers. There are some circumstances in which using a quote might make sense—for example, you could quote an important piece of advice or insight from someone important in your life. But for most essays, quotes aren’t necessary, and they may make your essay seem uninspired.

If you want to know more about academic writing , effective communication , or parts of speech , make sure to check out some of our other articles with explanations and examples.

Academic writing

• Writing process
• Transition words
• Passive voice
• Paraphrasing

 Communication

• How to end an email
• Ms, mrs, miss
• How to start an email
• I hope this email finds you well
• Hope you are doing well

 Parts of speech

• Personal pronouns
• Conjunctions

The introduction of your college essay is the first thing admissions officers will read and therefore your most important opportunity to stand out. An excellent introduction will keep admissions officers reading, allowing you to tell them what you want them to know.

The key to a strong college essay introduction is not to give too much away. Try to start with a surprising statement or image that raises questions and compels the reader to find out more.

Cliché openers in a college essay introduction are usually general and applicable to many students and situations. Most successful introductions are specific: they only work for the unique essay that follows.

In most cases, quoting other people isn’t a good way to start your college essay . Admissions officers want to hear your thoughts about yourself, and quotes often don’t achieve that. Unless a quote truly adds something important to your essay that it otherwise wouldn’t have, you probably shouldn’t include it.

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Examples of Great Introductory Paragraphs

How to Grab Your Reader's Attention With a Few Words

• Ph.D., Rhetoric and English, University of Georgia
• M.A., Modern English and American Literature, University of Leicester
• B.A., English, State University of New York

An introductory paragraph, as the opening of a conventional essay,  composition , or  report , is designed to grab people's attention. It informs readers about the topic and why they should care about it but also adds enough intrigue to get them to continue to read. In short, the opening paragraph is your chance to make a great first impression.

Below, we'll dive into a couple of key elements that make a good introductory paragraph, like clearly outlining the topic and purpose, and examine some dynamic strategies for engaging your audience, such as posing a question or using a brief anecdote.

Writing a Good Introductory Paragraph

The primary purpose of an introductory paragraph is to pique the interest of your reader and identify the topic and purpose of the essay . It often ends with a thesis statement .

You can  engage your readers right from the start through several tried-and-true ways. Posing a question, defining the key term, giving a brief anecdote , using a playful joke or emotional appeal, or pulling out an interesting fact are just a few approaches you can take. Use imagery, details, and sensory information to connect with the reader if you can. The key is to add intrigue along with just enough information so your readers want to find out more. 

One way to do this is to come up with a brilliant opening line . Even the most mundane topics have aspects interesting enough to write about; otherwise, you wouldn't be writing about them, right?

When you begin writing a new piece, think about what your readers want or need to know. Use your knowledge of the topic to craft an opening line that will satisfy that need. You don't want to fall into the trap of what writers call " chasers ," or boring and cliche introductions (such as "The dictionary defines...."). The introduction should make sense and hook the reader right from the start.

Make your introductory paragraph brief. Typically, just three or four sentences are enough to set the stage for both long and short essays. You can go into supporting information in the body of your essay, so don't tell the audience everything all at once.

Should You Write the Intro First?

You can always adjust your introductory paragraph later. Sometimes you just have to start writing. You can start at the beginning or dive right into the heart of your essay.

Your first draft may not have the best opening, but as you continue to write, new ideas will come to you, and your thoughts will develop a clearer focus. Take note of these and, as you work through revisions , refine and edit your opening. 

If you're struggling with the opening, follow the lead of other writers and skip it for the moment. Many writers begin with the body and conclusion and come back to the introduction later. It's a useful, time-efficient approach if you find yourself stuck in those first few words, especially if you have an outline completed or a general framework informally mapped out. If you don't have an outline, even just starting to sketch one can help organize your thoughts and "prime the pump," as it were.

Examples of Successful Introductory Paragraphs

You can read all the advice you want about writing a compelling opening, but it's often easier to learn by example. Take a look at how some writers approached their essays and analyze why they work so well.

Tell a Joke and Spark Curiosity

Mary Zeigler, " How to Catch River Crabs "

"As a lifelong crabber (that is, one who catches crabs, not a chronic complainer), I can tell you that anyone who has patience and a great love for the river is qualified to join the ranks of crabbers. However, if you want your first crabbing experience to be a successful one, you must come prepared."

What did Zeigler do in her introduction? First, she wrote a little joke, but it serves a dual purpose. Not only does it set the stage for her slightly more humorous approach to crabbing, but it also clarifies what type of "crabber" she's writing about. This is important if your subject has more than one meaning.

The other thing that makes this a successful introduction is the fact that Zeigler leaves us wondering. What do we have to be prepared for? Will the crabs jump up and latch onto you? Is it a messy job? What tools and gear do I need? She leaves us with questions, and that draws us in because now we want answers.

Use Vivid Imagery

"Shopping at the Pig"

"Working part-time as a cashier at the Piggly Wiggly has given me a great opportunity to observe human behavior. Sometimes I think of the shoppers as white rats in a lab experiment, and the aisles as a maze designed by a psychologist. Most of the rats—customers, I mean—follow a routine pattern, strolling up and down the aisles, checking through my chute, and then escaping through the exit hatch. But not everyone is so dependable. My research has revealed three distinct types of abnormal customer: the amnesiac, the super shopper, and the dawdler."

This revised classification essay begins by painting a picture of an ordinary scenario: the grocery store. But when used as an opportunity to observe human nature, as this writer does, it turns from ordinary to fascinating.

Who is the amnesiac? Would I be classified as the dawdler by this cashier? The descriptive language and the analogy to rats in a maze add to the intrigue, and readers are left wanting more. For this reason, even though it's lengthy, this is an effective opening.

Invoke Emotion and the Element of Surprise

Roz Savage, " My Transoceanic Midlife Crisis "

"In March 2006, I found myself, at 38, divorced, no kids, no home, and alone in a tiny rowing boat in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. I hadn’t eaten a hot meal in two months. I’d had no human contact for weeks because my satellite phone had stopped working. All four of my oars were broken, patched up with duct tape and splints. I had tendinitis in my shoulders and saltwater sores on my backside. I couldn’t have been happier...."

Here is an example of reversing expectations. The introductory paragraph is filled with doom and gloom. We feel sorry for the writer but are left wondering whether the article will be a classic sob story. It is in the second paragraph that we find out that it's quite the opposite.

Those first few words of the second paragraph, which we cannot help but skim, surprise us and thus draw us in. How can the narrator be happy after all that sorrow? This reversal compels us to find out what happened.

Most people have had streaks where nothing seems to go right. Yet, it is the possibility of a turn of fortunes that compels us to keep going. This writer appealed to our emotions and a sense of shared experience to craft an effective read.

Key Takeaways

• An effective introductory paragraph grabs readers' attention and outlines the topic while adding intrigue to encourage further reading.
• Dynamic strategies like posing questions or using anecdotes can engage readers from the start and set the stage for the essay's content.
• Starting with the body and conclusion first and then revisiting the introduction can be a time-efficient approach if you're struggling with the opening lines.
• Complete List of Transition Words
• 100 Persuasive Essay Topics
• List of Topics for How-to Essays
• 50 Argumentative Essay Topics
• The Ultimate Guide to the 5-Paragraph Essay
• 10 Steps to Writing a Successful Book Report
• Write an Attention-Grabbing Opening Sentence for an Essay
• How to Write a Good Thesis Statement
• Structure of a Descriptive Essay
• Practice in Supporting a Topic Sentence with Specific Details
• Understanding What an Expository Essay Is
• How to Start an Essay: 13 Engaging Strategies
• Make Your Paragraphs Flow to Improve Writing
• How to Write a Great Process Essay
• Personal Essay Topics
• How to Outline and Organize an Essay

How to Write an Opening Statement for an Essay

Daniel ketchum, 25 jun 2018.

The saying goes that you only get one chance to make a first impression. In an essay, the same is true, with the first words functioning as the first impression a reader sees. An opening statement helps to set the tone for your overall essay. It also gives the reader a sense of the direction you will be taking in your essay. Essay writing is different from most other types of writing you will be required to write in school and college. The opening statement sets the tone for the rest of the essay. If a professor assigns a personal essay, he may expect your personal perspective on a topic. In an academic essay, using first person to explain that same personal perspective is not part of the guidelines. Because of those different expectations in essay content, your essay opening statement may vary in tone and perspective. However, the actual writing process involves many of the same ideas.

Explore this article

• Develop Your Essay Outline
• Develop Your Essay Thesis
• Essay Opening Statement

1 Develop Your Essay Outline

Develop an outline for your overall essay. Developing an outline is an important step in bringing together your ideas on a subject and making sure that you cover the topic as thoroughly as possible. Since most opening statements summarize or at least foreshadow the contents of the essay, this outline will help you formulate your opening statement as well as the body of your essay. For example, if your essay is about the development of the Roman legions, the topic headings you use in the outline can also be used as the core of your opening statement.

2 Develop Your Essay Thesis

Next, develop the thesis for your opening statement. Write a thesis that will help to encapsulate the theme of your essay for the reader. The opening statement should make clear what the essay is about and what approach you are going to take. In a general way, you can also give your opinion on the subject while still leaving the details to the main body of the essay's text.

3 Essay Opening Statement

When appropriate to the essay type, try thinking outside the box to get creative with your opening statement based on the assignment's expectations. Keep in mind that academic essays may have different requirements than a personal essay. This means that the respective opening statements also vary with each essay's guidelines. Creativity is more relevant to a personal essay. One of the main purposes of any opening statement is to grab the reader's attention. For instance, if you are writing an essay in a history or social science class against war or materialism, you might want to quote a line from a John Lennon song like “Imagine" or start with a quote from Gandhi.

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About the Author

Daniel Ketchum holds a Bachelor of Arts from East Carolina University where he also attended graduate school. Later, he taught history and humanities. Ketchum is experienced in 2D and 3D graphic programs, including Photoshop, Poser and Hexagon and primarily writes on these topics. He is a contributor to sites like Renderosity and Animotions.

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Essay Examples 20 Personal Statement Examples That Stand Out + Why They Work

This is your ultimate list of Personal Statement examples.

In this post, you'll learn:

• What makes a successful Personal Statement
• How to write an irresistible Personal Statement
• Ivy League personal essay examples

If you're looking to read and write Personal Statement essays, you've found the right place.

In this post, I'm going to share everything you need to go from zero to having a Personal Statement essay you can be proud of.

This guide will help you get started writing an engaging Personal Statement essay. Or if you already have one, how to make it even better.

What is a Personal Statement Essay?

A personal statement, also called a statement of purpose (SOP) or personal essay, is a piece of creative, personal writing.

The purpose of your personal statement is to express yourself and your ideas. Personal statements usually aren't piece of formal writing, but still should be thoughtful and planned out.

Many applications for colleges, graduate schools, and scholarships require you to write a personal statement.

How to Write a Personal Statement Essay

While there are no rules or guidelines for writing a personal statement, the best ones often have these in common:

Have Strong Ideas:

Having compelling and interesting ideas shows you are a strong thinker.

It isn't necessarily about having all the answers, but asking the right questions.

For personal statement essays, the quality of your ideas matters more than your writing level. Writing interestingly is more important than writing beautifully.

I’ve stopped tripping over my own feet, and it’s led to me not being afraid to connect and interact with patients and customers or present in front of large crowds. Life is just one long Carioca – you might stumble at first, but if you keep pushing, the right feet will find themselves in the right place. From an accepted essay to UNC at Chapel Hill →

Be Authentic

Writing authentic essays means writing from the heart.

The best personal statements tend to come naturally, because the writer is excited about the topic.

Choose an idea that makes you feel excited to write about and start writing.

As you begin drafting, ideas will naturally arise related to your original idea. Exploring these tangential ideas is what leads to even better reflections for your essay.

That's why it's so important to be genuinely passionate about your subject. You can't just have an interest "in the topic," but there has to be something deeper you're writing about that moves you.

Use Narratives and Story-Telling:

Humans are naturally drawn to stories.

And often the best insights and ideas come from real life experiences.

Telling a story, or many, is the basis for developing your analysis and ideas. Remember, all stories need conflict in order to work.

It can help to think about the different types of conflict.

• Character vs. Self
• Character vs. Character
• Character vs. Nature
• Character vs. Society

And so on...

Once you've written a meaningful story, getting insights is as simple as answering the question: What did your experiences teach you?

The sounds of my knife striking kale unnerves my cat asleep in the corner. He quickly runs over to examine the situation but becomes instantly uninterested when he sees green and smells bitterness. Unfortunately, my family has this same reaction every day of every week. From an accepted essay to University of Southern California →

Showcase Your Values and Identity:

The purpose of a personal statement is to tell about who you are.

Personal statements are your opportunity to showcase what your values are, and how you would contribute to the school, scholarship opportunity, etc.

Good writers are those who write authentically. Write about your unique ideas and ask interesting questions, even if you don't know the answers.

How Long Should a Personal Statement Be?

A typical personal statement can range in length from 500 to 650 words or more.

For applying to colleges, the Common Application essay personal statement has a word limit of 650 words.

For graduate school programs, the application essay will vary in length, but most schools require a personal statement essay of at least 500 words.

20 Personal Statement Essays That Worked

It can be difficult to understand what makes a great essay without seeing some for yourself.

Here's 20 of our favorite personal statement essays that we've chosen for being unique and high-quality.

There essays were all accepted into some of the most selective schools. And while it isn't the only factor in admissions that matters, having outstanding essays can help tip the scales in your favor.

Table of Contents

Prompt: Background, Identity, or Interest

• 1. Uncomfortable Truths
• 2. Romanian Heritage
• 3. Film and Theater
• 4. Person of the Woods
• 5. Beautiful Walks

Prompt: Lessons from Obstacles

• 6. My Father
• 7. Self-Determination
• 8. Game Design Music
• 9. Speech and Debate

Prompt: Questioned or Challenged a Belief

• 10. Finding Answers

Prompt: Accomplishment, Event, or Realization

• 11. Connecting with Others
• 12. Summer Confidence
• 13. First Impressions
• 14. Law Career
• 15. Growing Up Asian

Prompt: Engaging Topic, Idea, or Concept

• 16. Secrets of Riddles
• 17. Rubik's Cube
• 18. Narrative Diversity

Prompt: Any Topic of Your Choice

• 19. Search for Dreams
• 20. Recipe for Success

Personal Statement Example #1: Uncomfortable Truths

This is a personal statement that worked for Princeton . It is outstanding for many reasons, but most of all because of its ideas and the thoughtfulness put into organizing them.

Common App Prompt #1: Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story. (250-650 words)

Why This Essay Works:

Having a unifying idea is key to successful personal statements. Find your deepest idea or realization and focus your essay around that.

Find a way to showcase your achievements while connecting to broader, more universal ideas.

Connecting your ending to your beginning is a powerful way to bring your essay full circle. A great conclusion expands on your ideas introduced earlier, while leaving some room for more to be said.

Personal Statement Example #2: Film and Theater

This student's essay was accepted to USC , among other top schools. It's topic is seemingly simple—taking walks—but the author brilliantly shows how even in the mundane there can be meaningful reflections.

This essay has lots of moments where the author's character comes across vividly. By using conversational language and interjections like "I want to—no, need—to...", the author has a clear "voice" and you can easily imagine them as if they were speaking directly to you. This student also showcases self-awareness and a sense of humor, by using slightly self-deprecating phrases like "some chubby, nerdy girl" and by recognizing how the social approval of sitting with the "popular girls" was enthralling at the time. Self-awareness is a highly valuable trait to portray, because it shows that you're able to reflect on both your strengths and weaknesses, which is a skill needed to be able to grow and develop.

This author manages to tie in their activity of producing films and reference them specifically ("Cardboard Castles") by connecting them to their main point. Instead of listing their activities or referencing them out-of-the-blue, they show how these accomplishments are perfect examples of a greater message. In this case, that message is how meaningful it is to connect with others through storytelling. To write about your activities and achievements without seeming arbitrary or boastful, make them have a specific purpose in your essay: connect to a value, idea, or use them as examples to show something.

In the intro of this essay, there are some descriptions that seem fiction-like and are ultimately unimportant to the main idea. Sentences that describe Mrs. Brewer's appearance or phrases describing how their teacher stood up after talking to them ultimately don't contribute to the story. Although these provide "context," the only context that admissions are interested in is context and details which have a purpose. Avoid writing like fiction books, which describe all the characters and settings, and instead only describe exactly what is needed to "go somewhere" in your essay.

What They Might Improve:

This essay has a strong hook which captivates the reader by making them ask a question: "What are these lunch-time horror stories?" By sparking the reader's imagination early on, you can draw them into your writing and be more engaged. However, ultimately this is somewhat of a letdown because these intriguing "lunch-time horror stories" are never described. Although it may not be completely necessary for the main point, describing one example or hinting at it more closely would be satisfying for the reader and still connect to the main idea of storytelling. One idea is to replace the conclusion with a reference to these "lunch-time horror stories" more vividly, which would be a satisfying ending that also could connect to filmmaking and storytelling. In general, anticipate what the reader will be looking for, and either use that expectation to your advantage by subverting it, or give them what they want as a satisfying, meaningful conclusion.

Although this conclusion could work as is, it could be stronger by seeming less arbitrary and less "fancy for fancy sake." Often, a good strategy is to connect your conclusion to something earlier in your essay such as your introduction or specific wording that you used throughout. In this essay, it could work much better to end by revealing one of those "lunch-time horror stories" in a way that also emphasizes their main point: how storytelling is a powerful tool to connect people.

Personal Statement Example #3: Romanian Heritage

This personal statement worked for UMichigan , among many other top schools like MIT, Rice, UNC at Chapel Hill , University of Pittsburgh, UW Madison, and more.

This author is able to vividly bring you into their world using cultural references and descriptive writing. You can practically taste and smell Buni's kitchen through her words.

This essay starts off by posing a challenge, which is typical of essays. But rather than showing how they overcame this particular challenge of speaking Romanian without an accent, this reader shows how something unexpected—baking—came to satisfy what was missing all along. By the end, this creates a conclusion that is both surprising, connected to the beginning, and makes perfect sense once you've read it. In other words, the conclusion is inevitable, but also surprising in content.

This student uses Romanian words to help exemplify the culture and language. If you're writing about a culture, using foreign language words can be a compelling way of adding depth to your essay. By including specific terms like "muni" and "cornulete," it shows a depth of knowledge which cannot be faked. Always use specific, tangible language where possible, because it is "evidence" that you know what you're talking about.

This student exhibits strong self-awareness by noting characteristics about themself, even some which may not be the most glamorous ("can be overbearing at times, stubborn in the face of offered help"). Rather than telling the reader flat out about these personal attributes, they are able to discuss them by connecting to another person—their grandmother Buni. Using another person to showcase your own character (through comparison or contrast) is a literary "foil," which can be an effective way of showing your character without stating it outright, which generally is boring and less convincing.

This student doesn't focus on surface-level ideas like "how they got better at speaking Romanian." Instead, they reflect in a creative way by connecting the Romanian language to baking. Revealing unseen connections between topics is a great way to show that you're a thoughtful and clever thinker. Ultimately, having unique ideas that are specific to you is what will create a compelling essay, and this essay is a perfect example of what that could look like.

Personal Statement Example #4: Person of the Woods

This essay was accepted into Dartmouth College . It is a brilliant example of showing how any experience, even those which originally may have been unpleasant, can be the topic of meaningful reflection.

Using visuals, like descriptions of scenarios and environments, can help bring the reader into your world. However, make sure that all of your descriptions are relevant to your main point, or else they could be distracting. For example, in this essay it would be unnecessary to describe what they're wearing or the appearance of canoes, but it makes sense to describe the nature as it relates to the main topic.

People are not isolated units. Instead, everyone depends on and is defined by those around them. By showing how you relate and connect with other people, you can provide insights into your character. In this essay, the student does a great job of delving into their strong friendships, particularly what they've learned from their friends.

Admissions officers love to see self-growth. Showing how your perspective on something has changed (in this case, how they went from disliking to loving an activity) conveys a development of your character. Ask yourself: what preconceived notions did I have before, and how did they change? This student reflects in a humble way, by first emphasizing what they've learned from others, before offering up what they might have contributed themselves. Always try to have a tone of gratitude in your essays because it makes you more likeable and shows strong character.

Personal Statement Example #5: Beautiful Walks

Personal Statement Example #6: My Father's Death

This personal statement was admitted to Michigan in recent years. It is an outstanding example of how you can write about topics that are often cliché if done poorly, such as the death of a family member.

But unlike other essays, this one works because it has a unique take and genuine approach to the topic that makes it come off as heartfelt.

Common App Prompt #2: The lessons we take from obstacles we encounter can be fundamental to later success. Recount a time when you faced a challenge, setback, or failure. How did it affect you, and what did you learn from the experience? (250-650 words)

Writing about a tragedy like a loss of a parent is a tricky topic for college essays. Many students feel obligated to choose that topic if it applies to them, but it can be challenging to not come across as trying to garner sympathy ("sob story"). This student does a graceful job of focusing on positive elements from their father's legacy, particularly the inspiration they draw from him.

This student does a great job of connecting their educational and career aspirations to their background. Admissions officers want to understand why you're pursing what you are, and by explaining the origin of your interests, you can have compelling and genuine reasons why.

In this essay, the student writes from their hypothetical perspective as an infant. This doesn't quite work because they likely wouldn't remember these moments ("I have no conscious memories of him"), but still writes as though they do. By writing about things you haven't seen or experienced yourself, it can come across as "made up" or inauthentic.

Personal Statement Example #7: Self-Determination

Some of the best essay topics are dealing with challenges you've faced, because difficulties make it easier to reflect upon what you've learned. Admissions officers ultimately are looking for self-growth, and showing how you've handled personal challenges can demonstrate your new understandings as a result. However, avoid talking about "tragedy" or difficulty without a clear purpose. Don't write about it because you think "you should," only write about challenges if they are true to yourself and you have something meaningful and unique to say about them. Otherwise, it can come off as trying to garner sympathy (i.e. "sob stories") which admissions officers generally dislike.

More convincing than telling admissions officers, is presenting them with "evidence" and allowing them to come to the conclusion themselves. If you want to show the idea "I couldn't learn due to this condition," it is far more effective to do what this student did and say, "I'd just finished learning complex trig identities, and I now couldn't even count to ten." When drafting, it is normal and okay to start off with more "telling" as you get your ideas on paper. But as your essay progresses, you should transform those moments of "telling" into more powerful and convincing moments of "showing."

Having meaningful reflections is a critical part of having compelling essays. But make sure your takeaways are not surface-level or generic. Each admissions officer has likely read thousands of essays, so they are well aware of the common ideas and tropes. Avoid cliché ideas at all costs, because it comes across as forgettable and unoriginal. Instead, it is okay to start with surface-level ideas, but keep asking yourself probing questions like "Why" and "How" to push your ideas deeper.

This essay tells a nice story of overcoming their physical impediment, but ultimately lacks meaningful reflections in the conclusion. Too much time is spent on "the problem" and not enough on how they overcame it. Your conclusion should have your best, most compelling ideas in your entire essay. Try ending your essay by connecting to the beginning with a new perspective, expanding on your idea with a new takeaway, or connecting to broader, more universal themes. Avoid having a conclusion that "sounds nice," but ultimately is lacking in meaningful content.

Personal Statement Example #8: Game Design Music

This essay was admitted into Cornell University . It discusses a common conflict of ideology that comes with pursuing the arts. What the author does brilliantly is show how that conflict was reconciled, as well as how it changed their perspective.

My mom used to tell me this a lot. She’d always disapproved of my passion for the arts.

In this essay, the author does a fantastic job of showing how they are thoughtful in considering the perspectives of others, even though they may disagree. Showing that you can entertain ideas that you may disagree with is an admirable trait that admissions officers love to see, because intellectual discussion is all about trying to see other people's views. When writing about things that you may disagree with, try to play devil's advocate and see things from their point of view. Doing so will make you come off as thoughtful, understanding, and inquisitive, and it will strengthen your own viewpoint if you can identify arguments against it.

The best essays help admissions officers understand how you think about things. One strategy is to offer up questions to explore. These can be questions that arose during a particular moment or questions that you're reflecting upon right now. By using questions in your essay, you'll also present yourself as a thoughtful and curious thinker. Ultimately, you want to help the reader see things from your perspective by showing your thought process.

A good starting place for reflection can be in comparing and contrasting different topics. This could finding the similarities and differences in an extracurricular and an academic class, or any other number of things. By finding the similarities in things often thought of as "opposing," or finding the differences in things thought of as "similar," you can get to interesting ideas. Comparisons are useful because they force you to think from a different viewpoint. For example in this essay: How does "programming" relate to "song lyrics"?

This essay ends on a note that feels somewhat off-topic and not as interesting as their main idea. The conclusion leaves more to be wanted, as the reader ends up thinking: Are you simply seeking the approval of your parents? Or are you carving your own path in life? Or does the answer lie somewhere in between? Avoid ending your essay with a tangential idea. Instead, a strong conclusion is often closely related to the main point of your essay, but with a slight twist. By planning out your essay before writing, you can make sure that each point (from start to finish) connects the way you want it to and that your conclusion ends on a strong, well-connected note.

Personal Statement Example #9: Speech and Debate

I was still high off the competition, poring over ballots by the soft streetlights as we drove. “Are you sure you want to do this?” My Dad was worried about me. Worried about my world crashing down around me, losing friends, being crushed by hate. Scarred by controversy. I laughed it off, and we rode in silence.

Fast forward to my second or third year in the league. I wanted to have some fun. I emailed the regional coordinator, asking if there’s a rule against a speech advocating for same-sex marriage.

This essay has lots of interesting ideas about having discussions between people of different viewpoints. This student is able to reflect sincerely about what the benefit of that dialogue is ("iron sharpening iron") and able to draw meaningful conclusions ("hope lives in that laughter") that express deeper ideas. By focusing on these compelling reflections, this student shows themself as a brilliant and thoughtful thinker, while demonstrating what they value: discourse between opposing viewpoints. Rather than focusing on the literal happenings (i.e. giving a speech to their club), the student reflects on what that experience represents more broadly, which allows them to connect to deeper ideas.

This essay is full of details, without being wordy or drawn out. Even small details like naming the show "The Daily Show" or giving a number of "40,000+ theologies" makes their writing much more engaging and compelling. By avoiding broad and vague language, this student paints a fascinating picture that allows the reader to enter their world. It is always better to be specific than to be generic, but make sure that the specific details are always relevant to your point. This essay is a great example of how to do both.

This essay does a fantastic job of creating a "voice." That is, you can easily imagine the student as if they were speaking to you while reading it. To craft this voice, this student uses small moments of more informal language and interjecting remarks that show their thought process. Using parentheses can be a good way to show your voice by jumping in when you have a small remark to add. This student also demonstrates a sense of humor and lightheartedness while still discussing meaningful ideas. The sarcastic remark "because controversy has no place in a debate club!" demonstrates their values (of dialogue between differing viewpoints) as well as showing their sense of personality.

This essay's weakest point is its intro or "hook." In fact, it could work much better by excluding the introduction paragraph and starting off with the second paragraph: "Forgive the melodrama: this is a story..." That short phrase is much more captivating and immediately draws the reader in. The introduction paragraph in this essay is too much of a meandering and vague story: you don't know what they're talking about, and ultimately it doesn't matter. Rather than using a fancy story or descriptions to introduce your essay, try jumping into the "meat" of your essay immediately. Consider using a short, declarative sentence or phrase like "Forgive the melodrama" as a hook, which is more impactful and draws the reader immediately into your essay.

Personal Statement Example #10: Finding Answers

Common App Prompt #3: Reflect on a time when you questioned or challenged a belief or idea. What prompted your thinking? What was the outcome? (250-650 words)

My grandmother’s concern faded rather quickly as sirens fell distant and time passed.

After about 30 minutes, my grandfather’s friend ran toward the beach. My grandfather was not next to him. He was not there at all. At that moment, my grandma knew.

“Burt...he was with me...he slipped...he fell...I ran down the side of the mountain, off the trail, but I couldn’t find him. The park rangers are looking...” She stopped listening. She could see his lips moving, yet she heard nothing.

This essay repeats a lot of the same ideas or information, just using different words. Rather than "getting to the point," this repetition makes the essay feel meandering and like it is going nowhere ultimately. When drafting your essay, it is okay to have repetition (your drafts shouldn't be perfect, after all). But when editing, ask yourself with each sentence: does this add something new? Is this necessary to my main point? If not, you should exclude those sentences.

This essay starts off with a drawn-out story of the tragedy involving the author's grandfather. Most of this story is unnecessary, because all that really matters for this student's main idea is the fact that their grandfather passed away from a tragic accident. Details about his grandmother or his grandfather's best friend are unnecessary and distracting.

An important "rule" in college essays is to only write from your perspective. That is, don't describe things that you couldn't have seen or experienced. In this essay, the author spends a lot of time describing their grandfather's incident as if they was there to witness it. But we later learn that the author was not even alive at this point, so how could they be describing these things? On a smaller level, don't describe yourself from an outside perspective. For example, instead of, "I grimaced when I heard the news" (how did you see yourself grimace?) you could say, "I felt my stomach pang when I heard the news."

Your ideas are most valuable in your essays. Admissions officers want to see how you think, and having interesting ideas that are unique to you is how you demonstrate that you're thoughtful and insightful. Avoid surface-level ideas at all costs, as it comes off cliché. It is okay to start with more generic ideas, but you should always delve deeper. To get at deeper and more unique ideas, the key is to ask yourself questions. For example: Why is this the case? Why don't things work differently? What does this mean for other people? What does this represent? How can I apply this to other areas of life?

Personal Statement Example #11: Connecting with Others

Common App Prompt #5: Discuss an accomplishment, event, or realization that sparked a period of personal growth and a new understanding of yourself or others. (250-650 words)

It's important to create a "voice" in your personal statement, so that admissions officers can imagine your character and personality. Try to write as you would speak, but refined and polished. In this essay, natural-sounding phrases like "...let me admit, I was awful..." humanizes the author and makes the reader feel like they're being spoken to.

This essay is a perfect example of how effective essays don't need to have a super unusual story to be compelling. What makes this essay's story compelling is not necessarily the topic itself (meeting distant relatives), but instead how the student reflects and makes interesting connections to broader ideas. Even seemingly mundane experiences can make for meaningful personal statements topics.

This conclusion works well by connecting to the main story of the essay. However, certain phrases like "As a global citizen" and "I am hoping to forge relationships" are potentially too generic. Instead, try taking your main idea (in this case forming connections with others) and broaden it or connect to more universal ideas.

Personal Statement Example #12: Summer Confidence

This essay has a heartfelt moment where the author connects deeply with a camper and feels a sense of genuine gratitude. By showing their newfound connection with a person they were mentoring, this creates a sense of humanity and also tells a lot about the author themself. By talking about other people in your life, you create a literary "foil" which in turn describes something about yourself. Showing how you interact with others can be telling into your character, such as showing your empathy, sense of humor, friendliness, or how you draw inspiration from others.

This essay does a good job of expressing vulnerability, specifically the author's fears about the future and "deteriorating friendships" after going to college. By being vulnerable, these moments feel more relatable to the reader. Showing your struggles (especially emotional ones) can also make your later "successes" feel more impactful when you show how you've overcame them or persist in face of those struggles. By recognizing your flaws or insecurities, you also show self-awareness, which is a positive trait because you need to be self-aware in order to improve the areas of yourself you want to fix.

Although this essay does reflect upon the lessons learned during their time at this camp, the takeaways are ultimately surface-level and not delved into. Rather than saying things like "I had more confidence," it would be more engaging to show how that confidence made an effect and what exactly that "confidence" meant. This essay touches upon some meaningful lessons, but ultimately they fall flat because the nuances of these lessons are glossed over. Phrases like "upon further consideration it no longer fills me with...apprehension" don't delve into the most interesting part: How and why did that fear go away? What changed about your perspective and why? Instead, these are explained away with "confidence and maturity," which are too broad of terms and feel meaningless because they are overused in essays.

In your personal statement, it is completely OK to reference people by their first name. Using names makes your essay more vivid and engaging, while showing a deeper connection that you have with others. Rather than saying "other people" or "one of the older campers," it would be more impactful to use their first name. There are some caveats, however. Don't use their name if you're showing them in a negative light (which you probably shouldn't do anyway) or if you're revealing something personal about them. If you are revealing something personal, you can substitute their name for another name, or ask them for their direct permission.

Personal Statement Example #13: First Impressions

It had a nice ring to it, but I wasn’t a fan. Unfortunately, that’s what I imagined everyone saw first, and first impressions stick.

A caveat of my surgery was that the hair would grow, then one-third would fall off. My scar will never be completely gone, but I no longer feel defined by it like I did in elementary school.

An effective hook doesn't need to be complicated. Often, the best hooks are simple, declarative sentences. By using a short sentence, you'll immediately draw the reader into your essay and create a point of emphasis. In general, avoid long and meandering sentences to start your essay, and save those for later in your essay. Clear and succinct phrasing is often the hallmark of a strong hook.

To convey your ideas more strongly, show them using concrete examples. In this essay, the author does a great job of that by not saying "classmates only saw me for my scar," but instead showing that idea through the memorable image of "I learned about my classmates through their lunchbox covers...they saw me as the boy with the scar." Using tangible imagery makes for a compelling way of expressing your ideas, as it allows the reader to come to the conclusions you want them to, without just "telling" them.

Avoid exaggerating or "fluffing up" experiences in your essays. Instead, be realistic and tell them for what they are. This essay does that perfectly by using phrases like "I didn't have a sudden epiphany about my scar." Avoid using phrases like "suddenly, I..." which are often overused and unrealistic. Most new understandings aren't acquired in one moment in particular, but are developed over time.

This essay touches on some compelling ideas, such as how people can distill down other people into their physical attributes or ailments. However, it would be even stronger to delve deeper into these reflections by asking further questions: Why do we gravitate towards "categorizing" people based on surface-level attributes? What is the impact of only be acknowledged for surface-level characteristics by others, but knowing that you have much more depth to your character? This essay has some meaningful ideas, but other ideas such as "I can be whatever I want to be" feel surface-level and somewhat generic.

Personal Statement Example #14: Law Career

One great way to have interesting ideas is to show things that you find fascinating that other people may find boring. This essay describes how a judge mandating "reprimands for speeding tickets might be dull for some," but how they find it interesting. Everything, even the seemingly mundane, has interesting aspects if you're willing to look closely enough. When brainstorming, ask yourself: what do I find fascinating that others find boring? What do I think is "fun" while others may think it is "hard" or boring? By following these threads, you can often find unique and compelling ideas that allow you to bring the reader into your world and show them how you see the world uniquely.

A common trap when writing a personal statement is to use a descriptive, fiction-like story to start your essay. Although this may sound like a good idea, it is often ineffective because it buries what is most interesting (your ideas and reflections) and can easily be long and drawn out. Short, concise stories with a focus can be effective introductions, but in general avoid overly descriptive storytelling to start your essay. Also, avoid describing things that aren't critical to your main point. There is little to no benefit in describing things like "I smoothed my skirt and rose slowly from the chair." Focus on why your stories matter, rather than telling stories in a descriptive manner.

This essay does have some reflections, particularly about how the author discovered their passion for law by joining the Youth Court. However, most of these ideas end there, and there aren't any deep, unique ideas. The closest the author comes to having a unique and compelling idea is the final sentence where they write "the value of prioritizing the common good above individual success." This could be a fascinating topic to explore, but ultimately is cut short because it is tagged onto the ending. Your focus when brainstorming and drafting should be to have specific and original ideas—ideas that are not generic, not cliché, and not surface-level. To get to those ideas, ask yourself probing questions like "Why" and "How" over and over.

Personal Statement Example #15: My Asian Experience

Personal Statement Example #16: Secrets of Riddles

Common App Prompt #6: Describe a topic, idea, or concept you find so engaging that it makes you lose all track of time. Why does it captivate you? What or who do you turn to when you want to learn more? (250-650 words)

As I was going to St. Ives, Upon the road I met seven wives; Every wife had seven sacks, Every sack had seven cats: Cats, sacks, and wives, How many were going to St. Ives?

The riddles of life were not as straightforward as the puzzles in my books and websites. In fact, they were not straightforward at all, like winding mazes of philosophical quandary.

One of the most thought-provoking subjects that preoccupies my mind regards the existence of aliens. Initially, my mind was settled on the possibility of intelligent life. A universe so big could not possibly be lifeless.

As for the solution to the riddle at the start:

How many were going to St. Ives?

This essay does well by having a unique central topic—riddles—which allows the author to draw out interesting ideas related to this theme. Your topic doesn't necessarily need to be profound or hugely significant, because this author shows how you can take a seemingly unimportant topic and use it to make meaningful connections. In this essay, riddles grow to represent something greater than the activity itself, which is something you can do with almost any topic.

One of the most effective ways to "show, not tell" is to use specific and tangible examples. This essay does a great job of exemplifying their ideas. Rather than just saying "I enthralled my friends with questions," the author also shows this: "Over peanut butter and sliced ham, I assumed the role of story teller..." Examples are always more convincing because they are proof, and allow the reader to interpret for themselves. Don't tell the reader what you want them to think. Instead, set up moments that guide the reader to come to those conclusions themselves.

This conclusion connects back to the beginning, which is generally a good idea as it creates a cohesive structure. However, this ending doesn't quite make sense in the context of the riddle. Rather than creating new meaning, it comes off as arbitrary and contrived. Make sure your conclusion isn't creative just for creative-sake, and instead also has significant meaning attached to it.

Personal Statement Example #17: Rubik's Cube

Personal Statement Example #18: Narrative Diversity

If your cultural background or identity is an important part of who you are, then writing about it can make for a compelling essay. Often times in college admissions, Asian-Americans in particular are advised to "hide" their ethnic background, because it can be perceived to hurt their application. This student embraces their Asian heritage by recognizing ways in which they faced societal barriers. As this essay shows, regardless of your identity, there are unique aspects you can delve into that can make for compelling topics.

This essay does a great job of reflecting upon previously held beliefs, such as "I unconsciously succumbed to the 'reserve and quiet' Asian stereotype," and challenging them. Questioning your beliefs and where they came from can often be a good starting point for interesting reflection. Showing your new perspectives over time also conveys self-growth. Ask yourself: what did I once believe (in regards to myself, an activity, other people, etc.), what do I believe now, and how has this changed?

Rather than starting off with an activity and then reflecting upon it, this student takes a different approach. By introducing an interesting idea (the representation of underrepresented groups in media) and then later connecting to their activities, it makes the incorporation of those extracurriculars seem more appropriate and natural. The last thing you want to do is list your activities plainly, but it's still important to reference them. One strategy to naturally talk about your activities and accomplishments is to attach them to interesting ideas, as this essay shows.

Personal Statement Example #19: Search for Dreams

Common App Prompt #7: Share an essay on any topic of your choice. It can be one you've already written, one that responds to a different prompt, or one of your own design. (250-650 words)

The diamond leaves of gnarled oak trees throw spectrums of color onto mounds of frosty snow that gleam melancholily under the moonlight. The leaves chime as wind violently rustles them in a haunting melody. I splinter a leaf off its branch and inspect the shard of my illusion, eyes dancing with amusement.

As I dwell in my worries, a cold hand reaches from behind me and taps my shoulder.

I jerk away, fear bubbling in my amygdala as I look into the nonexistent eyes of my intruding visitor.

The moon illuminates a blob of pink squish as it draws back slowly, points its spindly hands towards my drink and asks: “Could I have some of that?”

The blob wipes its invisible mouth with its nonexistent sleeve. I ask: “What are you?”

The blob tells me to stop looking at it so suspiciously. “I can prove it,” It says. I tell it, please, go ahead.

Suddenly we are back in the glowing forest. “Diamonds? Pah!” The blob dismisses them. Instantly, the leaves turn solid gold, the snow melts, and the wintry world is thrown into a blistering summer.

The blob laughs heartlessly. “Your cortex is under my control,” it says smugly.

“I heard you had a question for me?” It taps its invisible ears knowingly.

The blob wriggles its invisible brows as it waits.

It smiles that wicked smile. It laughs that sinful laugh. Then that insufferable blob wakes me up.

As I sit up in the dark and rub my bleary eyes, I am vaguely aware of the deep­set unfulfillment settling itself inside me. I yawn and plop back into bed, the soft red glow of my alarm clock indicating that it is still before midnight.

One thing is for sure about this essay: it has a unique idea that has surely not been written before. Regardless of your topic, you want your essay to be unique in some way, even if it isn't as fantastical as this essay. You can use a unique structure, such as having central symbolism, metaphor, or being structured as a recipe, for example. But this can easily become "gimmicky" if it doesn't have a clear purpose. In general, the most effective way to have a unique essay is to focus on having deep and unique ideas and reflections. By focusing on interesting takeaways and connections that are ultra-specific to you and your experiences, your essay will standout regardless of the structure.

This essay uses a lot of fiction-like writing that is fantastical and "flowery." Although moments of this kind of writing can make your essay more vivid, it is quite easy to end up with dense storytelling and descriptions that ultimately don't share anything interesting about you. The purpose of your essay is ultimately to learn about you: your values, your ideas, your identity, etc. By using dense story-like writing, it can be easy to lose focus of what admissions officers are looking for. In general, avoid writing "fancy" stories like this essay, unless you have a clear and distinct purpose for doing so. Everything in your essay should have a purpose in "going somewhere" (i.e. reaching interesting ideas and takeaways).

This essay is definitely creative, but lacks meaningful takeaways and ideas. By the end of the essay, we don't know much about the author besides the fact that they have an affinity for creative writing and are "on a search." Although the content is unique, the end result comes off as quite generic and surface-level because no interesting thoughts are explored deeply. The most interesting part of this essay is "I open my mouth and ask it my most crucial question," but this is super unsatisfying because the question is never divulged. Instead, the reader is teased by this fantasy story and the essay goes nowhere meaningful, which comes off as gimmicky and "creative for creative's sake," rather than deeply personal and interesting.

This essay ends on the idea of "continuing my search," but for what exactly? It is never explained, elaborated, or even implied (besides one reference to painting earlier). That makes this conclusion comes off as somewhat surface-level and uninteresting. Admissions officers won't care about "your search" unless they have a reason to care. That is, unless it tells something specific about you. On it's own, this idea of "exploring" and "searching" is meaningless because it is too broad and unelaborated.

Personal Statement Example #20: Recipe for Success

Step 1: Collect the ingredients

Step 2: Marinate the meat

Step 3: Wrap the dumplings

Step 4: Boil or pan-fry?

Step 5: Share and enjoy!

This essay has a clearly unique format in that it is structured as a dumpling recipe. By walking the reader through each step of dumpling-making, the student is able to explore various ideas and use the dumpling process as a metaphor for their own self-discovery. Having a creative structure like this can be beneficial, so long as you also have compelling ideas and the structure isn't unique just for the sake of being unique.

This whole essay is one big metaphor: the student compares their self-growth to the process of making dumplings. In doing so, the student introduces their heritage, while also having a creative literary device that they can use to explore various topics. By having a "central theme" such as this essay does, it makes it easier to explore a variety of ideas and activities, without seeming like you're listing them.

Struggles are one of the most defining aspects of self-development, and admissions officers are interested to see how you have overcome challenges. These difficulties don't need to be extreme tragedies or insurmountable obstacles, but everyone has faced difficulties. By reflecting upon those difficulties, you can draw out interesting ideas, showcase vulnerability, and express your personality.

What You Can Learn From These Personal Statement Examples

With these 20 Personal Statement examples, you can get inspired and improve your own essays. If you want to get accepted into selective colleges this year, your essays need to make you stand out.

These 20 examples show how real students got into highly selective schools and teach us several lessons for writing your own successful Personal Statement essay:

• Write a compelling first sentence that grabs the reader
• Be specific and reference things by name
• Tell a meaningful story
• Reflect on your life and identity. Be self-aware.

If you enjoyed these personal statement examples, check out some of our top Common App Essays , which are also personal statements essays, but for the Common Application.

Which of these personal statement examples was your favorite?

Meet the Author

Ryan Chiang

I'm Ryan Chiang and I created EssaysThatWorked.com - a website dedicated to helping students and their families apply to college with confidence & ease. We publish the best college admissions essays from successful applicants every year to inspire and teach future students.

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20 Successful College Essay Examples + Why They Worked (2024)

25 Elite Common App Essay Examples (And Why They Worked)

How to Edit Your College Essays to Perfection (Step-by-Step)

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Table of Contents

How to Write a Great Opening Sentence

Examples of great first sentences (and how they did it), how to write a strong opening sentence & engage readers (with examples).

“I’ve never met you, but I’m gonna read your mind.”

That’s the opening line to The Scribe Method . It does what great opening sentences should: it immediately captures the reader’s attention. It makes them want to read more.

The purpose of a good opening line is to engage the reader and get them to start reading the book. That’s it.

It’s a fairly simple idea, and it works very well—but there are still a lot of misconceptions about book openings .

Many first-time Authors think they have to shock the reader to make them take note.

That’s not true. There are many ways to hook a reader that don’t require shocking them.

I also see Authors who think the purpose of the first paragraph is to explain what they’ll talk about in the book .

Not only is that wrong, it’s boring.

Readers can sense bullshit a mile away, so don’t try to beat them over the head with shock. Don’t give them a tedious summary. Don’t tell your life story. Don’t go into too much detail.

Use your first sentence to connect to the reader and make them want to keep reading.

This guide will help you write a great opening line so you can establish that authenticity and connection quickly.

Everyone knows some of the great opening lines from fiction novels:

• “Call me Ishmael.” – Herman Melville, Moby Dick​​​​
• “Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.” – Leo Tolstoy, Anna Karenina
• “Many years later, as he faced the firing squad, Colonel Aureliano Buendía was to remember that distant afternoon when his father took him to discover ice.” – Gabriel García Márquez, One Hundred Years of Solitude
• “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way—in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only.” – Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities

The common thread between these opening lines is that they create a vivid first impression. They make the reader want to know more.

They’re punchy, intriguing, and unexpected.

The first words of a nonfiction book work the same way. You want to create an emotional connection with the reader so they can’t put the book down.

In some ways, nonfiction Authors even have an advantage. They’re writing about themselves and their knowledge while having a conversation with the reader.

They can establish the connection even more immediately because they don’t have to set a fictional scene. They can jump right in and use the first person “I.”

Let’s go back to The Scribe Method ‘s opening paragraph:

I’ve never met you, but I’m gonna read your mind. Not literally, of course. I’m going to make an educated guess about why you want to write a book.

When you read that, at a minimum, you’re going to think, “All right, dude, let’s see if you really know why I want to write a book .” And you’re going to keep reading.

At best, you’re going to think, “Wow. He’s inside my head right now.” And you’re going to keep reading.

In both cases, I’ve managed to create an emotional connection with the reader. Even if that emotion is skepticism, it’s enough to hook someone.

So where do you start when you’re writing your book ? How do you form that connection?

The best hooks usually start in the middle of the highest intensity.

In other words, lead with the most emotional part of the story.

If you’re starting your book with a story about how you got chased by the police, don’t begin with what you had for breakfast that day. Start with the chase.

A good hook might also be a question or a claim—anything that will elicit an emotional response from a reader.

Think about it this way: a good opening sentence is the thing you don’t think you can say, but you still want to say.

Like, “This book will change your life.”

Or, “I’ve come up with the most brilliant way anyone’s ever found for handling this problem.”

Your opening sentence isn’t the time for modesty (as long as you can back it up!).

You want to publish a book for a reason . Now’s your chance to show a reader why they should want to read it.

That doesn’t mean you have to be cocky. You just have to be honest and engaging.

When you’re trying to come up with a great opening line, ask yourself these 3 things:

• What will the audience care about, be interested in, or be surprised by?
• What is the most interesting story or inflammatory statement in your book?
• What do you have to say that breaks the rules?

The best opening lines are gut punches.

They summarize the book, at least in an oblique way. But they’re not dry facts. They’re genuine, behind-the-scenes glimpses into a human life. They establish who you are and what you’re about, right from the beginning.

Human beings respond to genuine connection. That means being vulnerable. You have to break down any barriers that you might usually keep around you.

That’s one of the hardest things to do as an Author, but it makes for a great book.

Reading about perfection is boring, especially because we all know there’s no such thing.

In the next section, I’ll go through examples of great first sentences and explain why they work.

Every one of these strategies helps create an instant, authentic connection with readers. You just have to pick the one that makes the most sense for your book.

1. Revealing Personal Information

When most people think about comedian Tiffany Haddish, they think of a glamorous celebrity.

They don’t think about a kid who had trouble in school because she had an unstable home life, reeked of onions, and struggled with bullying.

From the first line of her book, Tiffany reveals that you’re going to learn things about her that you don’t know—personal things.

I mean, really personal.

The book’s opening story concludes with her trying to cut a wart off her face because she was teased so much about it (that’s where the “unicorn” nickname came from).

That level of personal connection immediately invites the reader in. It promises that the Author is going to be honest and vulnerable, no holds barred.

This isn’t going to be some picture-perfect memoir. It’s going to be real, and it’s going to teach you something.

And that’s what forms a connection.

2. Mirroring the Reader’s Pain

Geoffrey and I chose this opening sentence because it let readers know right away that we know their pain.

Not only that, we knew how to fix it .

If a reader picked up the book and didn’t connect to that opening line, they probably weren’t our target audience.

But if someone picked it up and said, “This is exactly what I want to know!” we already had them hooked.

They would trust us immediately because we proved in the first sentence that we understood them.

In this sentence, Geoffrey and I are positioned as the experts. People are coming to us for help.

But you can also mirror your reader’s pain more directly. Check out this example from Jennifer Luzzato’s book, Inheriting Chaos with Compassion :

That’s a gut punch for anyone. But it’s an even bigger one for Jennifer’s target audience: people who unexpectedly lose a loved one and are left dealing with financial chaos.

Jennifer isn’t just giving the reader advice.

She’s showing that she’s been through the pain. She understands it. And she’s the right person to help the reader solve it.

3. Asking the Reader a Question

Readers come to nonfiction books because they want help solving a problem.

If you picked up a book about team-building, culture, and leadership, you likely want answers to some questions.

Daniel Coyle’s book shows the reader, right off the bat, that he’s going to give you answers.

His question also isn’t a boring, how-do-organizations-work type of question.

It’s compelling enough to make you keep reading, at least for a few more sentences. And then ideally, a few sentences, pages, and chapters after that.

Starting with a question is often a variation on tactic number 2.

If the reader picked up your book hoping to solve a certain problem or learn how to do something, asking them that compelling question can immediately show them that you understand their pain.

It can set the stage for the whole book.

You can also pique the reader’s interest by asking them a question they’ve never thought about.

Nicholas Kusmich ‘s book Give starts with the question,

It’s a unique question that hooks a reader.

But the answer still cuts straight to the heart of his book: “Both entrepreneurs and superheroes want to use their skills to serve people and make the world a better place.”

The unexpected framing gives readers a fresh perspective on a topic they’ve probably already thought a lot about.

4. Shock the Reader

I said in the intro to this post that you don’t have to shock the reader to get their attention.

I never said you couldn’t .

If you’re going to do it, though, you have to do it well.

This is the best opening to a book I’ve ever read. I’m actually a dog person, so this shocked the hell out of me. It was gripping.

As you read, the sentence starts making more sense, but it stays just as shocking. And you can’t help but finish the page and the chapter to understand why. But my God, what a way to hook a reader (in case you are wondering, the dogs were licking up blood from dead bodies and giving away the soldiers’ positions to insurgents. They had to kill the dogs or risk being discovered).

I read this opening sentence as part of an excerpt from the book on Business Insider .

I plowed through the excerpt, bought the book on Kindle, canceled two meetings, and read the whole book.

5. Intrigue the Reader

If you don’t read that and immediately want to know what the realization was, you’re a force to be reckoned with.

People love reading about drama, screw-ups, and revelations. By leading with one, Will immediately intrigues his readers.

They’ll want to keep reading so they can solve the mystery. What was the big deal?

I’m not going to tell you and spoil the fun. You’ll have to check out Will’s book to find out.

There are other ways to be intriguing, too. For example, see the opening line to Lorenzo Gomez’ Cilantro Diaries :

Again, the Author is setting up a mystery.

He wants the reader to rack his brain and say, “Well, if it’s not the famous stuff, what is it?”

And then, when Lorenzo gets to the unexpected answer—the H-E-B grocery store—they’re even more intrigued.

Why would a grocery store make someone’s top-ten list, much less be the thing they’d miss most?

That kind of unexpected storytelling is perfect for keeping readers engaged.

The more intrigue you can create, the more they’ll keep turning the pages.

6. Lead with a Bold Claim

There are thousands of books about marketing. So, how does an Author cut through the noise?

If you’re David Allison, you cut right to the chase and lead with a bold claim.

You tell people you’re going to change the world. And then you tell them you have the data to back it up.

If your reader is sympathetic, they’re going to jump on board. If they’re skeptical, they’re still going to want to see if David’s claim holds up.

Here’s the thing, though: only start bold if you can back it up.

Don’t tell someone you’re going to transform their whole life and only offer a minor life hack. They’ll feel cheated.

But if you’re really changing the way that people think about something, do something, or feel about something, then lead with it.

Start big. And then prove it.

7. Be Empathetic and Honest

One Last Talk is one of the best books we’ve ever done at Scribe. And it shows right from the first sentence.

Philip starts with a bold claim: “If you let it, this book will change your life.”

But then he gives a caveat: it’s not going to be fun.

That’s the moment when he forms an immediate connection with the reader.

Many Authors will tell their readers, “This book will change your life. It’s going to be incredible! Just follow these steps and be on your way!”

Not many Authors will lead with, “It’s going to be worth it, but it’s going to be miserable.”

By being this upfront about the emotional work the book involves, Philip immediately proves to his readers that he’s honest and empathetic.

He understands what they’re going to go through. And he can see them through it, even if it sucks.

One piece of advice we give at Scribe is to talk to your reader like you’re talking to a friend.

Philip does that. And it shows the reader they’re dealing with someone authentic.

8. Invite the Reader In

Joey starts the book by speaking directly to the reader.

He immediately creates a connection and invites the reader in. This makes the book feel more like a conversation between two people than something written by a nameless, faceless Author.

The reason this tactic works so well is because Joey’s whole book is about never losing a customer.

He immediately puts the book’s principles into action.

From the first sentence, Joey’s demonstrating exactly what the reader is there to learn.

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How to Write an Opening Statement

Last Updated: April 2, 2024 Fact Checked

This article was co-authored by Clinton M. Sandvick, JD, PhD . Clinton M. Sandvick worked as a civil litigator in California for over 7 years. He received his JD from the University of Wisconsin-Madison in 1998 and his PhD in American History from the University of Oregon in 2013. This article has been fact-checked, ensuring the accuracy of any cited facts and confirming the authority of its sources. This article has been viewed 800,996 times.

An opening statement is the most important points in a trial and it provides an attorney with an opportunity to engage with the jury about their case. An opening statement should always include an introduction; a body, which includes a story and a discussion of disputes and weaknesses; and a conclusion.

Preparing to Write

• Present a clear picture of the case . Your opening statement is one of the only times at trial you will be able to tell a complete, uninterrupted story. After your opening statement, the case will unfold in bits and pieces and may seem unorganized to the jurors.
• Arouse the interest of your jury . You want the jury to be engaged and interested in the case. If they are not, you may find your jury getting bored and becoming inattentive during your presentation of witnesses and evidence.
• Build rapport with your jurors . You want the jurors to like you, as you will ultimately ask them to decide the case in your favor. You want to speak to them as the intelligent people they are, and you want to be sincere in the beliefs you convey.

• Discuss the facts of your case . Your opening statement should be limited to a discussion of the anticipated evidence and what the main issues are. You must not exaggerate or misstate your evidence, you must not refer to inadmissible evidence, and you must not discuss matters that will not be a part of your own case.
• Avoid arguing during your opening statement .Because the point of your opening statement is to introduce the jury to your case, you do not want to turn your opening statement into a series of legal arguments. So long as you are assisting the jury in understanding your evidence, your comments should be permissible. However, once you begin asking the jury to make inferences, interpret facts in your favor, and/or resolve disputes, you are most likely making impermissible arguments.
• Avoid discussing the law in detail during your opening statement . Your opening statement can most likely have a brief introduction to the legal issues on which your case depends. However, you should avoid discussing how the law should be interpreted, and you should avoid applying any of the facts of your case to the law.

Writing Your Opening Statement

• Consider the following example: "On January 23, 2001, Chris McGuigan walked into Riverdale Hospital through the front door to have a minor operation to remove a growth on her arm. One week later, on January 30, she was carried out of the back door dead. What happened in that short week to turn a routine operation into a life and death struggle, and why it never should have happened, is what this case is all about."

• Consider this good example: "At 9:00, Jim McCutcheon left the steak house, and got into his car to head home. The car was in good condition, and Jim was alert, sober and not at all tired. He had drunk two beers with his dinner, but was still in full control of his faculties. He would not have driven if he had been feeling any effects from the beer. Jim won’t even drive with a cell phone on." [9] X Research source

• Look at this example to see how to effectively summarize your case and ask the jury for a verdict: "The bottom line is that the evidence will show that the defendant knew what he was doing when he killed Boyd Farnam. He killed Boyd for revenge - an eye for an eye - because he blamed Boyd for the death of his daughter. The people of this state will therefore ask you at the close of the evidence to find him guilty of murder." [11] X Research source

Practicing Your Opening Statement

• Write your opening statement exactly as you want to present it;
• Reduce it to a general outline; then
• Reduce it one last time to a key word outline that you may or may not use during your opening statement itself.

Writing Help

Expert Q&A

• Be confident and deliver the opening statement you prepared and practiced. Thanks Helpful 2 Not Helpful 0
• Keep your opening statement short and sweet. Depending on the complexity of your case, your opening statement may be longer or shorter than 15 minutes. The closer you can get to a 15 minute opening statement, the better off you will be. Thanks Helpful 0 Not Helpful 0

• State and federal law will dictate exactly what can and cannot be said during an opening statement, so be sure to conform to the necessary rules when writing and delivering your opening statement. Thanks Helpful 11 Not Helpful 5

You Might Also Like

• ↑ https://www.americanbar.org/groups/litigation/resources/newsletters/trial-evidence/five-tips-engaging-opening-statements/
• ↑ https://www.law.indiana.edu/instruction/tanford/web/reference/04open.pdf
• ↑ https://www.americanbar.org/news/abanews/publications/youraba/2017/july-2017/10-tips-for-effective-opening-and-closing-arguments/
• ↑ https://www.americanbar.org/groups/litigation/resources/newsletters/trial-evidence/tips-developing-effective-opening-statement/
• ↑ https://www.howtoseparate.ca/10-preparing-court/105-opening-statement

About This Article

To write an opening statement, start with your introductory remarks that summarize the case, state your theme, and intrigue the jurors. Then, go on to introduce your client, as well as any other witnesses involved in the case. Next, identify the main points of contention in the case and tell the jury your story of what happened from your client's point of view. You should also briefly mention any weaknesses in your case to lessen their impact when your opponent brings them up. Finally, conclude your opening statement by summarizing the theme of your case and asking the jury for a specific verdict. To learn how to rehearse and deliver your opening statement, scroll down! Did this summary help you? Yes No

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10 Personal Statement Essay Examples That Worked

What’s covered:, what is a personal statement.

• Essay 1: Summer Program
• Essay 2: Being Bangladeshi-American
• Essay 3: Why Medicine
• Essay 4: Love of Writing
• Essay 5: Starting a Fire
• Essay 6: Dedicating a Track
• Essay 7: Body Image and Eating Disorders
• Essay 8: Becoming a Coach
• Essay 9: Eritrea
• Essay 10: Journaling
• Is Your Personal Statement Strong Enough?

Your personal statement is any essay that you must write for your main application, such as the Common App Essay , University of California Essays , or Coalition Application Essay . This type of essay focuses on your unique experiences, ideas, or beliefs that may not be discussed throughout the rest of your application. This essay should be an opportunity for the admissions officers to get to know you better and give them a glimpse into who you really are.

In this post, we will share 10 different personal statements that were all written by real students. We will also provide commentary on what each essay did well and where there is room for improvement, so you can make your personal statement as strong as possible!

Please note: Looking at examples of real essays students have submitted to colleges can be very beneficial to get inspiration for your essays. You should never copy or plagiarize from these examples when writing your own essays. Colleges can tell when an essay isn’t genuine and will not view students favorably if they plagiarized. 

Personal Statement Examples

Essay example #1: exchange program.

The twisting roads, ornate mosaics, and fragrant scent of freshly ground spices had been so foreign at first. Now in my fifth week of the SNYI-L summer exchange program in Morocco, I felt more comfortable in the city. With a bag full of pastries from the market, I navigated to a bus stop, paid the fare, and began the trip back to my host family’s house. It was hard to believe that only a few years earlier my mom was worried about letting me travel around my home city on my own, let alone a place that I had only lived in for a few weeks. While I had been on a journey towards self-sufficiency and independence for a few years now, it was Morocco that pushed me to become the confident, self-reflective person that I am today.

As a child, my parents pressured me to achieve perfect grades, master my swim strokes, and discover interesting hobbies like playing the oboe and learning to pick locks. I felt compelled to live my life according to their wishes. Of course, this pressure was not a wholly negative factor in my life –– you might even call it support. However, the constant presence of my parents’ hopes for me overcame my own sense of desire and led me to become quite dependent on them. I pushed myself to get straight A’s, complied with years of oboe lessons, and dutifully attended hours of swim practice after school. Despite all these achievements, I felt like I had no sense of self beyond my drive for success. I had always been expected to succeed on the path they had defined. However, this path was interrupted seven years after my parents’ divorce when my dad moved across the country to Oregon.

I missed my dad’s close presence, but I loved my new sense of freedom. My parents’ separation allowed me the space to explore my own strengths and interests as each of them became individually busier. As early as middle school, I was riding the light rail train by myself, reading maps to get myself home, and applying to special academic programs without urging from my parents. Even as I took more initiatives on my own, my parents both continued to see me as somewhat immature. All of that changed three years ago, when I applied and was accepted to the SNYI-L summer exchange program in Morocco. I would be studying Arabic and learning my way around the city of Marrakesh. Although I think my parents were a little surprised when I told them my news, the addition of a fully-funded scholarship convinced them to let me go.

I lived with a host family in Marrakesh and learned that they, too, had high expectations for me. I didn’t know a word of Arabic, and although my host parents and one brother spoke good English, they knew I was there to learn. If I messed up, they patiently corrected me but refused to let me fall into the easy pattern of speaking English just as I did at home. Just as I had when I was younger, I felt pressured and stressed about meeting their expectations. However, one day, as I strolled through the bustling market square after successfully bargaining with one of the street vendors, I realized my mistake. My host family wasn’t being unfair by making me fumble through Arabic. I had applied for this trip, and I had committed to the intensive language study. My host family’s rules about speaking Arabic at home had not been to fulfill their expectations for me, but to help me fulfill my expectations for myself. Similarly, the pressure my parents had put on me as a child had come out of love and their hopes for me, not out of a desire to crush my individuality.

As my bus drove through the still-bustling market square and past the medieval Ben-Youssef madrasa, I realized that becoming independent was a process, not an event. I thought that my parents’ separation when I was ten had been the one experience that would transform me into a self-motivated and autonomous person. It did, but that didn’t mean that I didn’t still have room to grow. Now, although I am even more self-sufficient than I was three years ago, I try to approach every experience with the expectation that it will change me. It’s still difficult, but I understand that just because growth can be uncomfortable doesn’t mean it’s not important.

What the Essay Did Well

This is a nice essay because it delves into particular character trait of the student and how it has been shaped and matured over time. Although it doesn’t focus the essay around a specific anecdote, the essay is still successful because it is centered around this student’s independence. This is a nice approach for a personal statement: highlight a particular trait of yours and explore how it has grown with you.

The ideas in this essay are universal to growing up—living up to parents’ expectations, yearning for freedom, and coming to terms with reality—but it feels unique to the student because of the inclusion of details specific to them. Including their oboe lessons, the experience of riding the light rail by themselves, and the negotiations with a street vendor helps show the reader what these common tropes of growing up looked like for them personally. 

Another strength of the essay is the level of self-reflection included throughout the piece. Since there is no central anecdote tying everything together, an essay about a character trait is only successful when you deeply reflect on how you felt, where you made mistakes, and how that trait impacts your life. The author includes reflection in sentences like “ I felt like I had no sense of self beyond my drive for success, ” and “ I understand that just because growth can be uncomfortable doesn’t mean it’s not important. ” These sentences help us see how the student was impacted and what their point of view is.

What Could Be Improved

The largest change this essay would benefit from is to show not tell. The platitude you have heard a million times no doubt, but for good reason. This essay heavily relies on telling the reader what occurred, making us less engaged as the entire reading experience feels more passive. If the student had shown us what happens though, it keeps the reader tied to the action and makes them feel like they are there with the student, making it much more enjoyable to read. 

For example, they tell us about the pressure to succeed their parents placed on them: “ I pushed myself to get straight A’s, complied with years of oboe lessons, and dutifully attended hours of swim practice after school.”  They could have shown us what that pressure looked like with a sentence like this: “ My stomach turned somersaults as my rattling knee thumped against the desk before every test, scared to get anything less than a 95. For five years the painful squawk of the oboe only reminded me of my parents’ claps and whistles at my concerts. I mastered the butterfly, backstroke, and freestyle, fighting against the anchor of their expectations threatening to pull me down.”

If the student had gone through their essay and applied this exercise of bringing more detail and colorful language to sentences that tell the reader what happened, the essay would be really great. 

Table of Contents

Essay Example #2: Being Bangladeshi-American

Life before was good: verdant forests, sumptuous curries, and a devoted family.

Then, my family abandoned our comfortable life in Bangladesh for a chance at the American dream in Los Angeles. Within our first year, my father was diagnosed with thyroid cancer. He lost his battle three weeks before my sixth birthday. Facing a new country without the steady presence of my father, we were vulnerable — prisoners of hardship in the land of the free. We resettled in the Bronx, in my uncle’s renovated basement. It was meant to be our refuge, but I felt more displaced than ever. Gone were the high-rise condos of West L.A.; instead, government projects towered over the neighborhood. Pedestrians no longer smiled and greeted me; the atmosphere was hostile, even toxic. Schoolkids were quick to pick on those they saw as weak or foreign, hurling harsh words I’d never heard before.

Meanwhile, my family began integrating into the local Bangladeshi community. I struggled to understand those who shared my heritage. Bangladeshi mothers stayed home while fathers drove cabs and sold fruit by the roadside — painful societal positions. Riding on crosstown buses or walking home from school, I began to internalize these disparities. During my fleeting encounters with affluent Upper East Siders, I saw kids my age with nannies, parents who wore suits to work, and luxurious apartments with spectacular views. Most took cabs to their destinations: cabs that Bangladeshis drove. I watched the mundane moments of their lives with longing, aching to plant myself in their shoes. Shame prickled down my spine. I distanced myself from my heritage, rejecting the traditional panjabis worn on Eid and refusing the torkari we ate for dinner every day. 

As I grappled with my relationship with the Bangladeshi community, I turned my attention to helping my Bronx community by pursuing an internship with Assemblyman Luis Sepulveda. I handled desk work and took calls, spending the bulk of my time actively listening to the hardships constituents faced — everything from a veteran stripped of his benefits to a grandmother unable to support her bedridden grandchild.

I’d never exposed myself to stories like these, and now I was the first to hear them. As an intern, I could only assist in what felt like the small ways — pointing out local job offerings, printing information on free ESL classes, reaching out to non-profits. But to a community facing an onslaught of intense struggles, I realized that something as small as these actions could have vast impacts. Seeing the immediate consequences of my actions inspired me. Throughout that summer, I internalized my community’s daily challenges in a new light. I began to stop seeing the prevalent underemployment and cramped living quarters less as sources of shame. Instead, I saw them as realities that had to be acknowledged, but could ultimately be remedied. I also realized the benefits of the Bangladeshi culture I had been so ashamed of. My Bangla language skills were an asset to the office, and my understanding of Bangladeshi etiquette allowed for smooth communication between office staff and its constituents. As I helped my neighbors navigate city services, I saw my heritage with pride — a perspective I never expected to have.

I can now appreciate the value of my unique culture and background, and of living with less. This perspective offers room for progress, community integration, and a future worth fighting for. My time with Assemblyman Sepulveda’s office taught me that I can be a change agent in enabling this progression. Far from being ashamed of my community, I want to someday return to local politics in the Bronx to continue helping others access the American Dream. I hope to help my community appreciate the opportunity to make progress together. By embracing reality, I learned to live it. Along the way, I discovered one thing: life is good, but we can make it better.

This student’s passion for social justice and civic duty shines through in this essay because of how honest it is. Sharing their personal experience with immigrating, moving around, being an outsider, and finding a community allows us to see the hardships this student has faced and builds empathy towards their situation. However, what really makes it strong is that they go beyond describing the difficulties they faced and explain the mental impact it had on them as a child: Shame prickled down my spine. I distanced myself from my heritage, rejecting the traditional panjabis worn on Eid and refusing the torkari we ate for dinner every day. 

The rejection of their culture presented at the beginning of the essay creates a nice juxtaposition with the student’s view in the latter half of the essay and helps demonstrate how they have matured. They use their experience interning as a way to delve into a change in their thought process about their culture and show how their passion for social justice began. Using this experience as a mechanism to explore their thoughts and feelings is an excellent example of how items that are included elsewhere on your application should be incorporated into your essay.

This essay prioritizes emotions and personal views over specific anecdotes. Although there are details and certain moments incorporated throughout to emphasize the author’s points, the main focus remains on the student and how they grapple with their culture and identity.  

One area for improvement is the conclusion. Although the forward-looking approach is a nice way to end an essay focused on social justice, it would be nice to include more details and imagery in the conclusion. How does the student want to help their community? What government position do they see themselves holding one day? 

A more impactful ending might look like the student walking into their office at the New York City Housing Authority in 15 years and looking at the plans to build a new development in the Bronx just blocks away from where the grew up that would provide quality housing to people in their Bangladeshi community. They would smile while thinking about how far they have come from that young kid who used to be ashamed of their culture. 

Essay Example #3: Why Medicine

I took my first trip to China to visit my cousin Anna in July of 2014. Distance had kept us apart, but when we were together, we fell into all of our old inside jokes and caught up on each other’s lives. Her sparkling personality and optimistic attitude always brought a smile to my face. This time, however, my heart broke when I saw the effects of her brain cancer; she had suffered from a stroke that paralyzed her left side. She was still herself in many ways, but I could see that the damage to her brain made things difficult for her. I stayed by her every day, providing the support she needed, whether assisting her with eating and drinking, reading to her, or just watching “Friends.” During my flight back home, sorrow and helplessness overwhelmed me. Would I ever see Anna again? Could I have done more to make Anna comfortable? I wished I could stay in China longer to care for her. As I deplaned, I wondered if I could transform my grief to help other children and teenagers in the US who suffered as Anna did.

The day after I got home, as jet lag dragged me awake a few minutes after midnight, I remembered hearing about the Family Reach Foundation (FRF) and its work with children going through treatments at the local hospital and their families. I began volunteering in the FRF’s Children’s Activity Room, where I play with children battling cancer. Volunteering has both made me appreciate my own health and also cherish the new relationships I build with the children and families. We play sports, make figures out of playdoh, and dress up. When they take on the roles of firefighters or fairies, we all get caught up in the game; for that time, they forget the sanitized, stark, impersonal walls of the pediatric oncology ward. Building close relationships with them and seeing them giggle and laugh is so rewarding — I love watching them grow and get better throughout their course of treatment.

Hearing from the parents about their children’s condition and seeing the children recover inspired me to consider medical research. To get started, I enrolled in a summer collegelevel course in Abnormal Psychology. There I worked with Catelyn, a rising college senior, on a data analysis project regarding Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID). Together, we examined the neurological etiology of DID by studying four fMRI and PET cases. I fell in love with gathering data and analyzing the results and was amazed by our final product: several stunning brain images showcasing the areas of hyper and hypoactivity in brains affected by DID. Desire quickly followed my amazement — I want to continue this project and study more brains. Their complexity, delicacy, and importance to every aspect of life fascinate me. Successfully completing this research project gave me a sense of hope; I know I am capable of participating in a large scale research project and potentially making a difference in someone else’s life through my research.

Anna’s diagnosis inspired me to begin volunteering at FRF; from there, I discovered my desire to help people further by contributing to medical research. As my research interest blossomed, I realized that it’s no coincidence that I want to study brains—after all, Anna suffered from brain cancer. Reflecting on these experiences this past year and a half, I see that everything I’ve done is connected. Sadly, a few months after I returned from China, Anna passed away. I am still sad, but as I run a toy truck across the floor and watch one of the little patients’ eyes light up, I imagine that she would be proud of my commitment to pursue medicine and study the brain.

This essay has a very strong emotional core that tugs at the heart strings and makes the reader feel invested. Writing about sickness can be difficult and doesn’t always belong in a personal statement, but in this case it works well because the focus is on how this student cared for her cousin and dealt with the grief and emotions surrounding her condition. Writing about the compassion she showed and the doubts and concerns that filled her mind keeps the focus on the author and her personality. 

This continues when she again discusses the activities she did with the kids at FRF and the personal reflection this experience allowed her to have. For example, she writes: Volunteering has both made me appreciate my own health and also cherish the new relationships I build with the children and families. We play sports, make figures out of playdoh, and dress up.

Concluding the essay with the sad story of her cousin’s passing brings the essay full circle and returns to the emotional heart of the piece to once again build a connection with the reader. However, it finishes on a hopeful note and demonstrates how this student has been able to turn a tragic experience into a source of lifelong inspiration. 

One thing this essay should be cognizant of is that personal statements should not read as summaries of your extracurricular resume. Although this essay doesn’t fully fall into that trap, it does describe two key extracurriculars the student participated in. However, the inclusion of such a strong emotional core running throughout the essay helps keep the focus on the student and her thoughts and feelings during these activities.

To avoid making this mistake, make sure you have a common thread running through your essay and the extracurriculars provide support to the story you are trying to tell, rather than crafting a story around your activities. And, as this essay does, make sure there is lots of personal reflection and feelings weaved throughout to focus attention to you rather than your extracurriculars. 

Essay Example #4: Love of Writing

“I want to be a writer.” This had been my answer to every youthful discussion with the adults in my life about what I would do when I grew up. As early as elementary school, I remember reading my writing pieces aloud to an audience at “Author of the Month” ceremonies. Bearing this goal in mind, and hoping to gain some valuable experience, I signed up for a journalism class during my freshman year. Despite my love for writing, I initially found myself uninterested in the subject and I struggled to enjoy the class. When I thought of writing, I imagined lyrical prose, profound poetry, and thrilling plot lines. Journalism required a laconic style and orderly structure, and I found my teacher’s assignments formulaic and dull. That class shook my confidence as a writer. I was uncertain if I should continue in it for the rest of my high school career.

Despite my misgivings, I decided that I couldn’t make a final decision on whether to quit journalism until I had some experience working for a paper outside of the classroom. The following year, I applied to be a staff reporter on our school newspaper. I hoped this would help me become more self-driven and creative, rather than merely writing articles that my teacher assigned. To my surprise, my time on staff was worlds away from what I experienced in the journalism class. Although I was unaccustomed to working in a fast-paced environment and initially found it burdensome to research and complete high-quality stories in a relatively short amount of time, I also found it exciting. I enjoyed learning more about topics and events on campus that I did not know much about; some of my stories that I covered in my first semester concerned a chess tournament, a food drive, and a Spanish immersion party. I relished in the freedom I had to explore and learn, and to write more independently than I could in a classroom.

Although I enjoyed many aspects of working for the paper immediately, reporting also pushed me outside of my comfort zone. I am a shy person, and speaking with people I did not know intimidated me. During my first interview, I met with the basketball coach to prepare for a story about the team’s winning streak. As I approached his office, I felt everything from my toes to my tongue freeze into a solid block, and I could hardly get out my opening questions. Fortunately, the coach was very kind and helped me through the conversation. Encouraged, I prepared for my next interview with more confidence. After a few weeks of practice, I even started to look forward to interviewing people on campus. That first journalism class may have bored me, but even if journalism in practice was challenging, it was anything but tedious.

Over the course of that year, I grew to love writing for our school newspaper. Reporting made me aware of my surroundings, and made me want to know more about current events on campus and in the town where I grew up. By interacting with people all over campus, I came to understand the breadth of individuals and communities that make up my high school. I felt far more connected to diverse parts of my school through my work as a journalist, and I realized that journalism gave me a window into seeing beyond my own experiences. The style of news writing may be different from what I used to think “writing” meant, but I learned that I can still derive exciting plots from events that may have gone unnoticed if not for my stories. I no longer struggle to approach others, and truly enjoy getting to know people and recognizing their accomplishments through my writing. Becoming a writer may be a difficult path, but it is as rewarding as I hoped when I was young.

This essay is clearly structured in a manner that makes it flow very nicely and contributes to its success. It starts with a quote to draw in the reader and show this student’s life-long passion for writing. Then it addresses the challenges of facing new, unfamiliar territory and how this student overcame it. Finally, it concludes by reflecting on this eye-opening experience and a nod to their younger self from the introduction. Having a well-thought out and sequential structure with clear transitions makes it extremely easy for the reader to follow along and take away the main idea.

Another positive aspect of the essay is the use of strong and expressive language. Sentences like “ When I thought of writing, I imagined lyrical prose, profound poetry, and thrilling plot lines ” stand out because of the intentional use of words like “lyrical”, “profound”, and “thrilling” to convey the student’s love of writing. The author also uses an active voice to capture the readers’ attention and keep us engaged. They rely on their language and diction to reveal details to the reader, for instance saying “ I felt everything from my toes to my tongue freeze into a solid block ” to describe feeling nervous.

This essay is already very strong, so there isn’t much that needs to be changed. One thing that could take the essay from great to outstanding would be to throw in more quotes, internal dialogue, and sensory descriptors.

It would be nice to see the nerves they felt interviewing the coach by including dialogue like “ Um…I want to interview you about…uh…”.  They could have shown their original distaste for journalism by narrating the thoughts running through their head. The fast-paced environment of their newspaper could have come to life with descriptions about the clacking of keyboards and the whirl of people running around laying out articles.

Essay Example #5: Starting a Fire

Was I no longer the beloved daughter of nature, whisperer of trees? Knee-high rubber boots, camouflage, bug spray—I wore the garb and perfume of a proud wild woman, yet there I was, hunched over the pathetic pile of stubborn sticks, utterly stumped, on the verge of tears. As a child, I had considered myself a kind of rustic princess, a cradler of spiders and centipedes, who was serenaded by mourning doves and chickadees, who could glide through tick-infested meadows and emerge Lyme-free. I knew the cracks of the earth like the scars on my own rough palms. Yet here I was, ten years later, incapable of performing the most fundamental outdoor task: I could not, for the life of me, start a fire. 

Furiously I rubbed the twigs together—rubbed and rubbed until shreds of skin flaked from my fingers. No smoke. The twigs were too young, too sticky-green; I tossed them away with a shower of curses, and began tearing through the underbrush in search of a more flammable collection. My efforts were fruitless. Livid, I bit a rejected twig, determined to prove that the forest had spurned me, offering only young, wet bones that would never burn. But the wood cracked like carrots between my teeth—old, brittle, and bitter. Roaring and nursing my aching palms, I retreated to the tent, where I sulked and awaited the jeers of my family. 

Rattling their empty worm cans and reeking of fat fish, my brother and cousins swaggered into the campsite. Immediately, they noticed the minor stick massacre by the fire pit and called to me, their deep voices already sharp with contempt. 

“Where’s the fire, Princess Clara?” they taunted. “Having some trouble?” They prodded me with the ends of the chewed branches and, with a few effortless scrapes of wood on rock, sparked a red and roaring flame. My face burned long after I left the fire pit. The camp stank of salmon and shame. 

In the tent, I pondered my failure. Was I so dainty? Was I that incapable? I thought of my hands, how calloused and capable they had been, how tender and smooth they had become. It had been years since I’d kneaded mud between my fingers; instead of scaling a white pine, I’d practiced scales on my piano, my hands softening into those of a musician—fleshy and sensitive. And I’d gotten glasses, having grown horrifically nearsighted; long nights of dim lighting and thick books had done this. I couldn’t remember the last time I had lain down on a hill, barefaced, and seen the stars without having to squint. Crawling along the edge of the tent, a spider confirmed my transformation—he disgusted me, and I felt an overwhelming urge to squash him. 

Yet, I realized I hadn’t really changed—I had only shifted perspective. I still eagerly explored new worlds, but through poems and prose rather than pastures and puddles. I’d grown to prefer the boom of a bass over that of a bullfrog, learned to coax a different kind of fire from wood, having developed a burn for writing rhymes and scrawling hypotheses. 

That night, I stayed up late with my journal and wrote about the spider I had decided not to kill. I had tolerated him just barely, only shrieking when he jumped—it helped to watch him decorate the corners of the tent with his delicate webs, knowing that he couldn’t start fires, either. When the night grew cold and the embers died, my words still smoked—my hands burned from all that scrawling—and even when I fell asleep, the ideas kept sparking—I was on fire, always on fire.

This student is an excellent writer, which allows a simple story to be outstandingly compelling. The author articulates her points beautifully and creatively through her immense use of details and figurative language. Lines like “a rustic princess, a cradler of spiders and centipedes, who was serenaded by mourning doves and chickadees,” and “rubbed and rubbed until shreds of skin flaked from my fingers,” create vivid images that draw the reader in. 

The flowery and descriptive prose also contributes to the nice juxtaposition between the old Clara and the new Clara. The latter half of the essay contrasts elements of nature with music and writing to demonstrate how natural these interests are for her now. This sentence perfectly encapsulates the contrast she is trying to build: “It had been years since I’d kneaded mud between my fingers; instead of scaling a white pine, I’d practiced scales on my piano, my hands softening into those of a musician—fleshy and sensitive.”

In addition to being well-written, this essay is thematically cohesive. It begins with the simple introduction “Fire!” and ends with the following image: “When the night grew cold and the embers died, my words still smoked—my hands burned from all that scrawling—and even when I fell asleep, the ideas kept sparking—I was on fire, always on fire.” This full-circle approach leaves readers satisfied and impressed.

There is very little this essay should change, however one thing to be cautious about is having an essay that is overly-descriptive. We know from the essay that this student likes to read and write, and depending on other elements of her application, it might make total sense to have such a flowery and ornate writing style. However, your personal statement needs to reflect your voice as well as your personality. If you would never use language like this in conversation or your writing, don’t put it in your personal statement. Make sure there is a balance between eloquence and your personal voice.

Essay Example #6: Dedicating a Track

“Getting beat is one thing – it’s part of competing – but I want no part in losing.” Coach Rob Stark’s motto never fails to remind me of his encouragement on early-morning bus rides to track meets around the state. I’ve always appreciated the phrase, but an experience last June helped me understand its more profound, universal meaning.

Stark, as we affectionately call him, has coached track at my high school for 25 years. His care, dedication, and emphasis on developing good character has left an enduring impact on me and hundreds of other students. Not only did he help me discover my talent and love for running, but he also taught me the importance of commitment and discipline and to approach every endeavor with the passion and intensity that I bring to running. When I learned a neighboring high school had dedicated their track to a longtime coach, I felt that Stark deserved similar honors.

Our school district’s board of education indicated they would only dedicate our track to Stark if I could demonstrate that he was extraordinary. I took charge and mobilized my teammates to distribute petitions, reach out to alumni, and compile statistics on the many team and individual champions Stark had coached over the years. We received astounding support, collecting almost 3,000 signatures and pages of endorsements from across the community. With help from my teammates, I presented this evidence to the board.

They didn’t bite. 

Most members argued that dedicating the track was a low priority. Knowing that we had to act quickly to convince them of its importance, I called a team meeting where we drafted a rebuttal for the next board meeting. To my surprise, they chose me to deliver it. I was far from the best public speaker in the group, and I felt nervous about going before the unsympathetic board again. However, at that second meeting, I discovered that I enjoy articulating and arguing for something that I’m passionate about.

Public speaking resembles a cross country race. Walking to the starting line, you have to trust your training and quell your last minute doubts. When the gun fires, you can’t think too hard about anything; your performance has to be instinctual, natural, even relaxed. At the next board meeting, the podium was my starting line. As I walked up to it, familiar butterflies fluttered in my stomach. Instead of the track stretching out in front of me, I faced the vast audience of teachers, board members, and my teammates. I felt my adrenaline build, and reassured myself: I’ve put in the work, my argument is powerful and sound. As the board president told me to introduce myself, I heard, “runners set” in the back of my mind. She finished speaking, and Bang! The brief silence was the gunshot for me to begin. 

The next few minutes blurred together, but when the dust settled, I knew from the board members’ expressions and the audience’s thunderous approval that I had run quite a race. Unfortunately, it wasn’t enough; the board voted down our proposal. I was disappointed, but proud of myself, my team, and our collaboration off the track. We stood up for a cause we believed in, and I overcame my worries about being a leader. Although I discovered that changing the status quo through an elected body can be a painstakingly difficult process and requires perseverance, I learned that I enjoy the challenges this effort offers. Last month, one of the school board members joked that I had become a “regular” – I now often show up to meetings to advocate for a variety of causes, including better environmental practices in cafeterias and safer equipment for athletes.

Just as Stark taught me, I worked passionately to achieve my goal. I may have been beaten when I appealed to the board, but I certainly didn’t lose, and that would have made Stark proud.

This essay effectively conveys this student’s compassion for others, initiative, and determination—all great qualities to exemplify in a personal statement!

Although they rely on telling us a lot of what happened up until the board meeting, the use of running a race (their passion) as a metaphor for public speaking provides a lot of insight into the fear that this student overcame to work towards something bigger than themself. Comparing a podium to the starting line, the audience to the track, and silence to the gunshot is a nice way of demonstrating this student’s passion for cross country running without making that the focus of the story.

The essay does a nice job of coming full circle at the end by explaining what the quote from the beginning meant to them after this experience. Without explicitly saying “ I now know that what Stark actually meant is…” they rely on the strength of their argument above to make it obvious to the reader what it means to get beat but not lose. 

One of the biggest areas of improvement in the intro, however, is how the essay tells us Stark’s impact rather than showing us: His care, dedication, and emphasis on developing good character has left an enduring impact on me and hundreds of other students. Not only did he help me discover my talent and love for running, but he also taught me the importance of commitment and discipline and to approach every endeavor with the passion and intensity that I bring to running.

The writer could’ve helped us feel a stronger emotional connection to Stark if they had included examples of Stark’s qualities, rather than explicitly stating them. For example, they could’ve written something like: Stark was the kind of person who would give you gas money if you told him your parents couldn’t afford to pick you up from practice. And he actually did that—several times. At track meets, alumni regularly would come talk to him and tell him how he’d changed their lives. Before Stark, I was ambivalent about running and was on the JV team, but his encouragement motivated me to run longer and harder and eventually make varsity. Because of him, I approach every endeavor with the passion and intensity that I bring to running.

Essay Example #7: Body Image and Eating Disorders

I press the “discover” button on my Instagram app, hoping to find enticing pictures to satisfy my boredom. Scrolling through, I see funny videos and mouth-watering pictures of food. However, one image stops me immediately. A fit teenage girl with a “perfect body” relaxes in a bikini on a beach. Beneath it, I see a slew of flattering comments. I shake with disapproval over the image’s unrealistic quality. However, part of me still wants to have a body like hers so that others will make similar comments to me.

I would like to resolve a silent issue that harms many teenagers and adults: negative self image and low self-esteem in a world where social media shapes how people view each other. When people see the façades others wear to create an “ideal” image, they can develop poor thought patterns rooted in negative self-talk. The constant comparisons to “perfect” others make people feel small. In this new digital age, it is hard to distinguish authentic from artificial representations.

When I was 11, I developed anorexia nervosa. Though I was already thin, I wanted to be skinny like the models that I saw on the magazine covers on the grocery store stands. Little did I know that those models probably also suffered from disorders, and that photoshop erased their flaws. I preferred being underweight to being healthy. No matter how little I ate or how thin I was, I always thought that I was too fat. I became obsessed with the number on the scale and would try to eat the least that I could without my parents urging me to take more. Fortunately, I stopped engaging in anorexic behaviors before middle school. However, my underlying mental habits did not change. The images that had provoked my disorder in the first place were still a constant presence in my life.

By age 15, I was in recovery from anorexia, but suffered from depression. While I used to only compare myself to models, the growth of social media meant I also compared myself to my friends and acquaintances. I felt left out when I saw my friends’ excitement about lake trips they had taken without me. As I scrolled past endless photos of my flawless, thin classmates with hundreds of likes and affirming comments, I felt my jealousy spiral. I wanted to be admired and loved by other people too. However, I felt that I could never be enough. I began to hate the way that I looked, and felt nothing in my life was good enough. I wanted to be called “perfect” and “body goals,” so I tried to only post at certain times of day to maximize my “likes.” When that didn’t work, I started to feel too anxious to post anything at all.  

Body image insecurities and social media comparisons affect thousands of people – men, women, children, and adults – every day. I am lucky – after a few months of my destructive social media habits, I came across a video that pointed out the illusory nature of social media; many Instagram posts only show off good things while people hide their flaws. I began going to therapy, and recovered from my depression. To address the problem of self-image and social media, we can all focus on what matters on the inside and not what is on the surface. As an effort to become healthy internally, I started a club at my school to promote clean eating and radiating beauty from within. It has helped me grow in my confidence, and today I’m not afraid to show others my struggles by sharing my experience with eating disorders. Someday, I hope to make this club a national organization to help teenagers and adults across the country. I support the idea of body positivity and embracing difference, not “perfection.” After all, how can we be ourselves if we all look the same?

This essay covers the difficult topics of eating disorders and mental health. If you’re thinking about covering similar topics in your essay, we recommend reading our post Should You Talk About Mental Health in College Essays?

The short answer is that, yes, you can talk about mental health, but it can be risky. If you do go that route, it’s important to focus on what you learned from the experience.

The strength of this essay is the student’s vulnerability, in excerpts such as this: I wanted to be admired and loved by other people too. However, I felt that I could never be enough. I began to hate the way that I looked, and felt nothing in my life was good enough. I wanted to be called “perfect” and “body goals,” so I tried to only post at certain times of day to maximize my “likes.”

The student goes on to share how they recovered from their depression through an eye-opening video and therapy sessions, and they’re now helping others find their self-worth as well. It’s great that this essay looks towards the future and shares the writer’s goals of making their club a national organization; we can see their ambition and compassion.

The main weakness of this essay is that it doesn’t focus enough on their recovery process, which is arguably the most important part. They could’ve told us more about the video they watched or the process of starting their club and the interactions they’ve had with other members. Especially when sharing such a vulnerable topic, there should be vulnerability in the recovery process too. That way, the reader can fully appreciate all that this student has overcome.

Essay Example #8: Becoming a Coach

”Advanced females ages 13 to 14 please proceed to staging with your coaches at this time.” Skittering around the room, eyes wide and pleading, I frantically explained my situation to nearby coaches. The seconds ticked away in my head; every polite refusal increased my desperation.

Despair weighed me down. I sank to my knees as a stream of competitors, coaches, and officials flowed around me. My dojang had no coach, and the tournament rules prohibited me from competing without one.

Although I wanted to remain strong, doubts began to cloud my mind. I could not help wondering: what was the point of perfecting my skills if I would never even compete? The other members of my team, who had found coaches minutes earlier, attempted to comfort me, but I barely heard their words. They couldn’t understand my despair at being left on the outside, and I never wanted them to understand.

Since my first lesson 12 years ago, the members of my dojang have become family. I have watched them grow up, finding my own happiness in theirs. Together, we have honed our kicks, blocks, and strikes. We have pushed one another to aim higher and become better martial artists. Although my dojang had searched for a reliable coach for years, we had not found one. When we attended competitions in the past, my teammates and I had always gotten lucky and found a sympathetic coach. Now, I knew this practice was unsustainable. It would devastate me to see the other members of my dojang in my situation, unable to compete and losing hope as a result. My dojang needed a coach, and I decided it was up to me to find one.

I first approached the adults in the dojang – both instructors and members’ parents. However, these attempts only reacquainted me with polite refusals. Everyone I asked told me they couldn’t devote multiple weekends per year to competitions. I soon realized that I would have become the coach myself.

At first, the inner workings of tournaments were a mystery to me. To prepare myself for success as a coach, I spent the next year as an official and took coaching classes on the side. I learned everything from motivational strategies to technical, behind-the-scenes components of Taekwondo competitions. Though I emerged with new knowledge and confidence in my capabilities, others did not share this faith.

Parents threw me disbelieving looks when they learned that their children’s coach was only a child herself. My self-confidence was my armor, deflecting their surly glances. Every armor is penetrable, however, and as the relentless barrage of doubts pounded my resilience, it began to wear down. I grew unsure of my own abilities.

Despite the attack, I refused to give up. When I saw the shining eyes of the youngest students preparing for their first competition, I knew I couldn’t let them down. To quit would be to set them up to be barred from competing like I was. The knowledge that I could solve my dojang’s longtime problem motivated me to overcome my apprehension.

Now that my dojang flourishes at competitions, the attacks on me have weakened, but not ended. I may never win the approval of every parent; at times, I am still tormented by doubts, but I find solace in the fact that members of my dojang now only worry about competing to the best of their abilities.

Now, as I arrive at a tournament with my students, I close my eyes and remember the past. I visualize the frantic search for a coach and the chaos amongst my teammates as we competed with one another to find coaches before the staging calls for our respective divisions. I open my eyes to the exact opposite scene. Lacking a coach hurt my ability to compete, but I am proud to know that no member of my dojang will have to face that problem again.

This essay begins with an in-the-moment narrative that really illustrates the chaos of looking for a coach last-minute. We feel the writer’s emotions, particularly her dejectedness, at not being able to compete. Starting an essay in media res  is a great way to capture the attention of your readers and build anticipation for what comes next.

Through this essay, we can see how gutsy and determined the student is in deciding to become a coach themselves. She shows us these characteristics through their actions, rather than explicitly telling us: To prepare myself for success as a coach, I spent the next year as an official and took coaching classes on the side.  Also, by discussing the opposition she faced and how it affected her, the student is open and vulnerable about the reality of the situation.

The essay comes full circle as the author recalls the frantic situations in seeking out a coach, but this is no longer a concern for them and their team. Overall, this essay is extremely effective in painting this student as mature, bold, and compassionate.

The biggest thing this essay needs to work on is showing not telling. Throughout the essay, the student tells us that she “emerged with new knowledge and confidence,” she “grew unsure of her own abilities,” and she “refused to give up”. What we really want to know is what this looks like.

Instead of saying she “emerged with new knowledge and confidence” she should have shared how she taught a new move to a fellow team-member without hesitation. Rather than telling us she “grew unsure of her own abilities” she should have shown what that looked like by including her internal dialogue and rhetorical questions that ran through her mind. She could have demonstrated what “refusing to give up” looks like by explaining how she kept learning coaching techniques on her own, turned to a mentor for advice, or devised a plan to win over the trust of parents. 

Essay Example #9: Eritrea

No one knows where Eritrea is.

On the first day of school, for the past nine years, I would pensively stand in front of a class, a teacher, a stranger  waiting for the inevitable question: Where are you from?

I smile politely, my dimples accentuating my ambiguous features. “Eritrea,” I answer promptly and proudly. But I  am always prepared. Before their expression can deepen into confusion, ready to ask “where is that,” I elaborate,  perhaps with a fleeting hint of exasperation, “East Africa, near Ethiopia.”

Sometimes, I single out the key-shaped hermit nation on a map, stunning teachers who have “never had a student  from there!” Grinning, I resist the urge to remark, “You didn’t even know it existed until two minutes ago!”

Eritrea is to the East of Ethiopia, its arid coastline clutches the lucrative Red Sea. Battle scars litter the ancient  streets – the colonial Italian architecture lathered with bullet holes, the mosques mangled with mortar shells.  Originally part of the world’s first Christian kingdom, Eritrea passed through the hands of colonial Italy, Britain, and  Ethiopia for over a century, until a bloody thirty year war of Independence liberated us.

But these are facts that anyone can know with a quick Google search. These are facts that I have memorised and compounded, first from my Grandmother and now from pristine books  borrowed from the library.

No historical narrative, however, can adequately capture what Eritrea is.  No one knows the aroma of bushels of potatoes, tomatoes, and garlic – still covered in dirt – that leads you to the open-air market. No one knows the poignant scent of spices, arranged in orange piles reminiscent of compacted  dunes.  No one knows how to haggle stubborn herders for sheep and roosters for Christmas celebrations as deliberately as my mother. No one can replicate the perfect balance of spices in dorho and tsebhi as well as my grandmother,  her gnarly hands stirring the pot with ancient precision (chastising my clumsy knife work with the potatoes).  It’s impossible to learn when the injera is ready – the exact moment you have to lift the lid of the mogogo. Do it too  early (or too late) and the flatbread becomes mangled and gross. It is a sixth sense passed through matriarchal  lineages.

There are no sources that catalogue the scent of incense that wafts through the sunlit porch on St. Michael’s; no  films that can capture the luminescence of hundreds of flaming bonfires that fluoresce the sidewalks on Kudus  Yohannes, as excited children chant Ge’ez proverbs whose origin has been lost to time.  You cannot learn the familiarity of walking beneath the towering Gothic figure of the Enda Mariam Cathedral, the  crowds undulating to the ringing of the archaic bells.  I have memorized the sound of the rains hounding the metal roof during kiremti , the heat of the sun pounding  against the Toyota’s window as we sped down towards Ghinda , the opulent brilliance of the stars twinkling in a  sky untainted by light pollution, the scent of warm rolls of bani wafting through the streets at precisely 6 o’clock each day…

I fill my flimsy sketchbook with pictures from my memory. My hand remembers the shapes of the hibiscus drifting  in the wind, the outline of my grandmother (affectionately nicknamed a’abaye ) leaning over the garden, the bizarre architecture of the Fiat Tagliero .  I dice the vegetables with movements handed down from generations. My nose remembers the scent of frying garlic, the sourness of the warm tayta , the sharpness of the mit’mt’a …

This knowledge is intrinsic.  “I am Eritrean,” I repeat. “I am proud.”  Within me is an encyclopedia of history, culture, and idealism.

Eritrea is the coffee made from scratch, the spices drying in the sun, the priests and nuns. Eritrea is wise, filled with ambition, and unseen potential.  Eritrea isn’t a place, it’s an identity.

This is an exceptional essay that provides a window into this student’s culture that really makes their love for their country and heritage leap off the page. The sheer level of details and sensory descriptors this student is able to fit in this space makes the essay stand out. From the smells, to the traditions, sounds, and sights, the author encapsulates all the glory of Eritrea for the reader. 

The vivid images this student is able to create for the reader, whether it is having the tedious conversation with every teacher or cooking in their grandmother’s kitchen, transports us into the story and makes us feel like we are there in the moment with the student. This is a prime example of an essay that shows , not tells.

Besides the amazing imagery, the use of shorter paragraphs also contributes to how engaging this essay is. Employing this tactic helps break up the text to make it more readable and it isolates ideas so they stick out more than if they were enveloped in a large paragraph.

Overall, this is a really strong essay that brings to life this student’s heritage through its use of vivid imagery. This essay exemplifies what it means to show not tell in your writing, and it is a great example of how you can write an intimate personal statement without making yourself the primary focus of your essay. 

There is very little this essay should improve upon, but one thing the student might consider would be to inject more personal reflection into their response. Although we can clearly take away their deep love and passion for their homeland and culture, the essay would be a bit more personal if they included the emotions and feelings they associate with the various aspects of Eritrea. For example, the way their heart swells with pride when their grandmother praises their ability to cook a flatbread or the feeling of serenity when they hear the bells ring out from the cathedral. Including personal details as well as sensory ones would create a wonderful balance of imagery and reflection.

Essay Example #10: Journaling

Flipping past dozens of colorful entries in my journal, I arrive at the final blank sheet. I press my pen lightly to the page, barely scratching its surface to create a series of loops stringing together into sentences. Emotions spill out, and with their release, I feel lightness in my chest. The stream of thoughts slows as I reach the bottom of the page, and I gently close the cover of the worn book: another journal finished.

I add the journal to the stack of eleven books on my nightstand. Struck by the bittersweet sensation of closing a chapter of my life, I grab the notebook at the bottom of the pile to reminisce.

“I want to make a flying mushen to fly in space and your in it” – October 2008

Pulling back the cover of my first Tinkerbell-themed diary, the prompt “My Hopes and Dreams” captures my attention. Though “machine” is misspelled in my scribbled response, I see the beginnings of my past obsession with outer space. At the age of five, I tore through novels about the solar system, experimented with rockets built from plastic straws, and rented Space Shuttle films from Blockbuster to satisfy my curiosities. While I chased down answers to questions as limitless as the universe, I fell in love with learning. Eight journals later, the same relentless curiosity brought me to an airplane descending on San Francisco Bay.

“I wish I had infinite sunsets” – July 2019

I reach for the charcoal notepad near the top of the pile and open to the first page: my flight to the Stanford Pre-Collegiate Summer Institutes. While I was excited to explore bioengineering, anxiety twisted in my stomach as I imagined my destination, unsure of whether I could overcome my shyness and connect with others.

With each new conversation, the sweat on my palms became less noticeable, and I met students from 23 different countries. Many of the moments where I challenged myself socially revolved around the third story deck of the Jerry house. A strange medley of English, Arabic, and Mandarin filled the summer air as my friends and I gathered there every evening, and dialogues at sunset soon became moments of bliss. In our conversations about cultural differences, the possibility of an afterlife, and the plausibility of far-fetched conspiracy theories, I learned to voice my opinion. As I was introduced to different viewpoints, these moments challenged my understanding of the world around me. In my final entries from California, I find excitement to learn from others and increased confidence, a tool that would later allow me to impact my community.

“The beauty in a tower of cans” – June 2020

Returning my gaze to the stack of journals, I stretch to take the floral-patterned book sitting on top. I flip through, eventually finding the beginnings of the organization I created during the outbreak of COVID-19. Since then, Door-to-Door Deliveries has woven its way through my entries and into reality, allowing me to aid high-risk populations through free grocery delivery.

With the confidence I gained the summer before, I took action when seeing others in need rather than letting my shyness hold me back. I reached out to local churches and senior centers to spread word of our services and interacted with customers through our website and social media pages. To further expand our impact, we held two food drives, and I mustered the courage to ask for donations door-to-door. In a tower of canned donations, I saw the value of reaching out to help others and realized my own potential to impact the world around me.

I delicately close the journal in my hands, smiling softly as the memories reappear, one after another. Reaching under my bed, I pull out a fresh notebook and open to its first sheet. I lightly press my pen to the page, “And so begins the next chapter…”

The structuring of this essay makes it easy and enjoyable to read. The student effectively organizes their various life experiences around their tower of journals, which centers the reader and makes the different stories easy to follow. Additionally, the student engages quotes from their journals—and unique formatting of the quotes—to signal that they are moving in time and show us which memory we should follow them to.

Thematically, the student uses the idea of shyness to connect the different memories they draw out of their journals. As the student describes their experiences overcoming shyness at the Stanford Pre-Collegiate Summer Institutes and Door-to-Door Deliveries, this essay can be read as an Overcoming Obstacles essay.

At the end of this essay, readers are fully convinced that this student is dedicated (they have committed to journaling every day), thoughtful (journaling is a thoughtful process and, in the essay, the student reflects thoughtfully on the past), and motivated (they flew across the country for a summer program and started a business). These are definitely qualities admissions officers are looking for in applicants!

Although this essay is already exceptionally strong as it’s written, the first journal entry feels out of place compared to the other two entries that discuss the author’s shyness and determination. It works well for the essay to have an entry from when the student was younger to add some humor (with misspelled words) and nostalgia, but if the student had either connected the quote they chose to the idea of overcoming a fear present in the other two anecdotes or if they had picked a different quote all together related to their shyness, it would have made the entire essay feel more cohesive.

Where to Get Your Personal Statement Edited

Do you want feedback on your personal statement? After rereading your essays countless times, it can be difficult to evaluate your writing objectively. That’s why we created our free Peer Essay Review tool , where you can get a free review of your essay from another student. You can also improve your own writing skills by reviewing other students’ essays. 

If you want a college admissions expert to review your essay, advisors on CollegeVine have helped students refine their writing and submit successful applications to top schools. Find the right advisor for you to improve your chances of getting into your dream school!

Next Step: Supplemental Essays

Essay Guides for Each School

How to Write a Stellar Extracurricular Activity College Essay

4 Tips for Writing a Diversity College Essay

How to Write the “Why This College” Essay

Related CollegeVine Blog Posts

How to Write a Residency Personal Statement with Examples from a Program Director

Residency programs receive thousands of applications from qualified candidates, and your personal statement provides the chance for you to show a program why they should choose you.

For Kamran M. Mirza, MD, PhD, Professor of Pathology Education at Godfrey D. Stobbe, the residency personal statement is the first piece of the application that he reads. So, it’s important to make it count. 

Use your voice to show them why you’re the perfect match for their program. It could be the thing that tips the scales in your favor.

Remember, it’s called the residency “match” for a reason. Programs aren’t just looking for the best candidates; they’re looking for the best match for their team and culture. Your personal statement is your opportunity to showcase why you belong there.

Key Takeaways:

• Invest time in your personal statement, as this can be the first piece of your application that a program director reads.
• Start with an engaging opening, use illustrative incidents to maintain the reader’s interest, and conclude by reinforcing your main points and linking back to your introduction.
• If there are any gaps, unexplained grades, or other potential red flags in your application, use your personal statement to provide context and show the lessons you have learned from these challenges. 
• Steer clear of clichés, rehashing old statements, and focusing too much on experiences before your time in medical school. Instead, emphasize current interests and future aspirations. 
• Ensure your writing is polished, free of grammatical errors, and avoid controversial topics unless they are presented thoughtfully and professionally.

What is the Purpose of a Personal Statement?

A personal statement paints a picture of you. While your ERAS application introduces your accomplishments, it doesn’t fully capture the essence of you . There’s a whole history behind why you’re on this journey to becoming a doctor, and your personal statement is where you get to tell that story. Show the program why this path matters to you.

A personal statement highlights your unique qualifications and experiences. It’s your opportunity to talk about your professional aspirations and showcase the experiences that make you stand out—whether it’s research, clinical skills, leadership, or even your ability to communicate effectively. Explain how these experiences have shaped you and how they’ll influence the way you practice in your chosen specialty.

A personal statement shows your commitment. Demonstrate how you’ve gone above and beyond the basic requirements. Make it personal. Share what you believe in, what you love about the specialty, what fascinates you, and what you find most rewarding. This is where you show the program what you will bring to the table to make an impact in the lives of the patients you will serve.

A personal statement sells you. Residency programs are going to be reading hundreds of these, so it’s crucial that yours makes an impact. Think of your motivation as the trunk of a tree, with specific incidents or work experiences branching out from there. Remember—be genuine. Don’t feel like you have to oversell yourself. Just be true to who you are, and let your passion and experiences speak for themselves. That’s what’s going to resonate the most.

How to Write a Residency Personal Statement 

The personal statement is your chance to help residency programs really understand who you are, what draws you to your desired specialty, and what sets you apart from other candidates. To make sure your personal statement is top-notch, here’s what you should include:

• Lead with a catchy opening paragraph that grabs the reader’s attention and makes them want to read more. This is the most critical part of your personal statement, and a strong start sets the tone for the rest of your narrative.
• Recapture the reader’s attention about halfway through your statement with insight that reinforces your overall theme.
• Focus on a few illustrative incidents that have shaped your journey. Unite these incidents with a theme or thesis that ties your story together and highlights what makes you unique.
• Outline what you want to say and the order in which you want to say it. This will help you create a coherent and well-structured narrative.
• Use concrete examples of experiences that help distinguish you from others and make your story more relatable and memorable.
• Write about interests that excite you. When you share what you are passionate about, it will come through in your writing and resonate with the reader.
• End your message with a conclusion that refers back to your opening and restates your thesis. This brings your personal statement full circle and leaves a lasting impression on the reader.

 Effective Residency Personal Statement Examples 

During the 2025 Match Summit event, Dr. Kamran Mirza presented several personal statements to help guide medical students through the process.

As a program director who has read many residency personal statements as part of the ERAS application process, Dr. Mirza shares some of the best residency personal statement examples.

Example #1 – The Introduction

I love dinosaurs. 

When I was a kid, all I wanted to do was learn everything I could about them – how they lived, what they ate, and what they looked like. My love of dinosaurs led me to apply to college as a paleontology major. Like any eager student, I wanted a head start in college so I decided to take a human anatomy class. My goal was to learn the names of bones. One day in class, the teacher showed us a video of total hip replacement and that was it. My entire life’s dream shifted. From that day on, I knew I wanted to be a surgeon. 

Example #2 – A Story of Family Hardship

My mother immigrated from the Philippines to Minnesota as a mail-order bride. Amidst the improved living conditions and snowy winters, she was physically abused by my father and repeatedly threatened for her life. Between episodes of abuse, she gave birth to me, her firstborn child. In the thick of her celebration and under postpartum care, her OBGYN connected her with the resources necessary to exit her dangerous situation. This was the first of many instances that would provide me insight into the immense privilege that OBGYNs have of caring for extremely vulnerable patients, such as my mother. And so, my mother left for California with her newborn infant, and if not for her OBGYN, she – and I – might not have survived. 

Example #3 – The Theme

The key to a perfect choux pastry, or any pastry for that matter, and the singular quality I’m convinced separates good surgeons from great ones are one in the same.

Mise en place is a French culinary adage meaning, “everything in its place.” In short, one’s ability to prepare is the major determinant of quality.

The best preparation, however, is informed by experience. I can tell you every ingredient, tool, and step to follow to make choux, but I can’t tell you how many eggs you’ll need. Recognizing the perfect texture comes only through practice and repetition. In these iterations one learns what could go wrong, what’s likely to go wrong, and whether those are the same. 

Example #4 – Turning Around Your Red Flag

During my senior year of undergrad, I was diagnosed with depression and got the help I needed to become the best student I could be. Through this experience, I learned the importance of advocacy for myself and others. Once I sought help for my mental health, my entire academic career changed. I use this skill now to advocate for my patients. 

For more examples, be sure to watch Dr. Mirza’s entire presentation below.

How to Address Red Flags

Your residency personal statement is a great way to address any gaps in your education, unexplained grades, or any other potential red flags in your application that may stand in your way of showcasing your strengths for a potential program.

There is no need to focus too much on any red flags you are able to address within your ERAS application. However, if there is something that you need to provide further explanation for, the best way to do so is to use your personal statement to turn it around to show how this challenge in your life shaped you in a positive way, and the lessons you learned. 

What to Avoid When Writing Your Personal Statement 

As you begin mapping out your residency personal statement, there are some common drawbacks that can prevent your statement from standing out.

As a rule of thumb, here are some things you should avoid: 

• Cliches . Saying, “I want to help people,” isn’t going to set you apart—it’s something we innately hope all of you feel strongly about! However, what did you have to overcome to get here, and what part of your story led you to this moment? Stay clear of cliche stories that make it look like you didn’t put effort into your personal statement. Give specific examples of experiences that inform your career choice and demonstrate your skills.
• Rehashing medical school statements. Your time in medical school has helped shape who you are and why you are pursuing your desired specialty. Focus on experiences and challenges you have overcome in the present day and try to steer clear from anything before medical school. 
• Focusing too much on what led you to your specialty. While it’s important to touch on this, it shouldn’t dominate your narrative. Leave room to discuss your current interests and future aspirations. What excites you about the residency ahead? What are your goals for the future, both in residency and beyond? Programs want to see that you are forward-thinking and have a clear vision for your career.
• Informal writing. Your statement should be polished and well-structured, demonstrating your ability to communicate effectively.The best advice you can receive is revise, revise, and revise some more. Plan to read your personal statement several times, as well as others, to make sure your story stays on track, is free of grammatical errors, and remains engaging throughout.
• Controversial topics. It’s wise to avoid topics that include political, ethical, or religious issues. While it’s important to share your personal experiences, you don’t want your writing to come off as offensive or cross any lines. However, when relevant, sharing examples of hardships or family problems that have shaped your journey can be powerful, provided they are presented in a way that is thoughtful and professional. You can refer to Dr. Mirza’s example above for how to best position this.

Frequently Asked Questions

How long should your residency personal statement be.

The standard recommendation is to keep your residency personal statement to one page, which is around 600-750 words in length.

How to Write a Residency Personal Statement?

Start with an outline to help you begin to narrow down your theme, followed by examples you want to include. Remember to follow our guide on what to avoid, and don’t forget to revise, revise, revise !

Should You Address Red Flags in Your Residency Personal Statement?

Your personal statement is how you are going to sell yourself to your desired program. If you are able to address your red flags in your application, there is no need to bring them up in your essay, especially if it might invoke any doubt. However, if you are able to address it in a way that demonstrates how you overcame your situation and learned lessons from your struggles, this is a great opportunity to show the program how you were able to turn it around into a positive experience. 

What are Some Residency Personal Statement Examples?

While we touch on a few samples in this blog, Dr. Kamran Mirza, a program director who presented on the topic of writing an effective personal statement, shares several more in his presentation. Watch the full clip from TrueLearn’s 2025 Match Summit event here !

Time to Write Your Personal Statement

We know there is a lot of information here, and we hope these insights have given you a solid foundation to start shaping your own personal statement. The most important thing to remember about the residency personal statement is there are no shortcuts in this match application process. Doing things the right way and going the extra mile will set you apart from the hundreds of other applicants. 

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